How To Put The Fun Back Into Dating!

Archive for March, 2012

Dating Dos and Don’ts: You Can Judge a Person By Their Smart Phone

If you can’t judge a book by it’s cover apparently you can judge a person by their smart phone.  A recent study done shows that android users are more likely to have one night stands and iPhone users are more likely to have multiple partners.  So the next time you are checking out a guy to see if he’s worthy of an approach – watch to see what smart phone he uses.  You might get a bit of insight into what kind of a date he might be.

Android users are more likely to be slutty, it transpires – having more one night stands, signing up to dating sites more often and being more likely to have sex on a first date, according to a survey of single Canadian mobile users.

The figures are a dramatic reworking of previous research in the area that suggested that iPhone users were the most likely to be sexually indiscriminate – having the most sexual partners of all smartphone owners according to a 2010 OKCupid survey.

On the delicate question of first-date sex, the difference between smartphone-owning singles is statistically slight: 62 per cent of Android them say they’ve had sex after one date compared to 57 per cent of iPhone users – it’s the Blackberry owners who stand out with only 48 percent saying that they have.

A clear take-away from the Match survey is that BlackBerry owners must be too busy, er, doing business, to engage in either dates, one-nighters or sex. Only 50 per cent have visited an online dating site compared to 58 percent of iPhone users, and 72 per cent of Android users.

Fifty-five per cent of Android users in the Canada survey said they had had one night stands – the most of any phone owners, apparently. We’ve asked for the stats on one night stands for iPhone and Blackberry users but have had no response.

iPhoners are the most likely to date a co-worker, with nearly a quarter saying they had an office fling in the past five years, perhaps because they all work in graphic design and don’t have any real work to do.

BlackBerry owners are either more romantic or more decisive: with 67% of BlackBerry users say they have experienced love at first sight.

Anyway, daters of all phone types like email and texting. Seventy-five per cent of the Canadian singles in this rigorous survey think their love lives have benefited from email and texting. Though obviously their love lives haven’t benefited that much because they’re still single. Just saying.

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Do you think we can judge someone by which smart phone they choose to use?  Share your thoughts with us by commenting below.

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Dating Dos and Don’ts: Don’t Be Afraid of Technology

There are so many ways of communicating available to us now that it’s difficult to keep track of all the avenues we have.  You can text, email or instant message.  You can Facebook someone or follow them on Twitter.  And of course you can always do the old fashioned thing and pick up the phone and call someone; but this is a rare thing nowadays.

There are differing opinions on how technology affects our dating lives.  Some people believe that it has helped and others believe that it has hindered.  It’s up to you how you use technology in your relationships.

“A phone call, especially now, is a really polite and thoughtful thing to receive,” said Kate Carraway, advice columnist for the Grid. “It’s the equivalent of how people used to send flowers. Now a phone call is really impressive.”

Canadians, however, seem eager to bring their gadgets into bed. A recent survey by the dating site revealed 75 per cent of Canadians believe e-mail and texting have improved their dating life. hired Kimberley Moffit, a Toronto-based psychotherapist, to talk about the results. Like Carraway, Moffit is often peppered with questions about when to add a date on Facebook, or what a text message really means.

Moffit works in Toronto near Yonge and Eglinton, where available twenty-somethings cruise each other with a tenacity rarely seen outside of gay villages. Some call it Young and Eligible.
She said her young, smartphone toting clients often ask about love and technology. “ People might be asking for advice on how to date online,” Moffit said. “ Or even if they’ve received text messages or e-mails, how to decipher them.”

She thinks technology has helped the dating scene. “We may not have had the opportunity years ago to send a quick text message and say ‘I’m thinking about you and I miss you,’” She said. “This is the kind of thing that can increase the quality of our relationships.”

Moffit and Carraway may disagree on texts, but they give similar advice on when to send a friend request. Moffit said not to add someone to Facebook the moment a first date is done. Looking through their photos and friendships will lead to snap judgments which too often will be wrong.

Carraway agrees. “The way people express themselves online is very different from how they are in real life,” she said. “It’s much too easy to get a distorted view of who they are, what they think and what their values are.”

So when is it OK to add? Maybe when you’re ready to commit to a relationship status change. Carraway said it’s best not to do it before the relationship has had time to grow.

“I’d say until you’re an established couple,  stay off of each other’s social media,” she said, adding to decide whether you will be dating based on your interactions offline.

Carraway doesn’t hate technology. In fact, she loves Twitter for work and her social life. But when it comes to love she thinks it’s best to turn the computer off and set the smartphone aside.

“I think when people consider their dating and sex life on the same par as their work and social life, that’s when they get into trouble,” she said.

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How do you feel that technology can help in your relationship?  Share your thoughts with us by commenting below.

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Dating Dos and Don’ts: Break Bad Habits

Sometimes we get into habits that aren’t healthy for us.  We all have a dating ‘type’ and I think it’s important that we examine this type to figure out if it’s a healthy choice for us or not.  We can often get caught up in a trap that we aren’t even aware of and wonder why our relationships never work out.  It’s time to ask some questions and break some bad habits.

Q. Why do we form dating patterns?
A. We assign qualities to people based on very little information (he lives in a certain area, has a certain job, acts a certain way in public) and believe those qualities are what we need in a guy. I’ve met people who have said, “I would never date a shy guy,” assuming he would be boring, and then realized the person was interesting and fun—he just wasn’t as outgoing as their usual “type.”

Q. How can you tell if your dating pattern is bad for you?
A. When you go out with the same type of guy, expecting different results from the ones who have burned you before. You’ll know your pattern isn’t working for you if you’re constantly playing the same frustrating role in your relationships. We need to stop focusing on who the guy we’re dating is and look at who we are with him. Are you crazier than you’d like to be? More confused than ever? Focus on how you act around him to see if your pattern is working.

Q. Okay, so how can you break a bad pattern?
You have to be honest with yourself to figure out what your pattern is before you can break it. Ask yourself: If my dating life were a movie, how would it begin and end? What character do I always play? You’ll get some clues. It’s normal to get into patterns, even self-defeating ones. After you identify your pattern, make a commitment to get outside of your comfort zone so you can break it. Do things you don’t usually do and go to places you don’t usually go to meet people.

Q. So, should you just try to date a guy who is totally different from your exes?
A. Yes. That’s not to say settle for less than you want. Decide what your three “must haves” are and your three “can’t stands” and simply be open to the fact that those qualities may come in different packages.

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Do you date a specific type?  Share your opinions with us by commenting below.

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Dating Dos and Don’ts: Have Confidence

Don’t be afraid of men.  They are human beings just like you and they put their pants on one leg at a time; just like you.  There is nothing to fear about them; so take a deep breath and walk up to him and say hi.  It really is that simple.  Or, once you’ve gone on a date with him; be the first to call.  We don’t live in the 1950’s anymore and it’s perfectly acceptable for a woman to call a man first.  If you like him; show interest.

#1 Approach a Man: You have feet, and you have a voice. Why can you walk into a conference meeting full of men, with confidence, but you can’t approach one? If you seek success then you must know that you won’t find it unless you get it yourself. So in other words, walk up to that attractive man at the bar or in the grocery store and start talking about how you love to cook salmon or grab a drink there after work.
#2 Call First: I know, I know this one can be a toughie, but if you don’t know by now, most men are not great communicators. They live by the 5 W’s: who, what, when, where and even sometimes why…if they care enough. In fact, with the current advancement of technology, if it were up to them, they’d probably ask you out through at text or even Voxer. Stop allowing the silence of your phone distract you from accomplishing important tasks and just call him already. FYI, you don’t have to ask him out, just talk.
#3 Ask Him Out: Okay, so I know I just said you don’t have to ask a man out, but I was referring to when you call him. When it comes to dating, you don’t’ want to put all of your eggs into one basket. Meaning that if you call a guy first, don’t call to ask him out, just call to say a flirtatious “hello”. But if you need a date to the company party, or feel like bike riding at the beach on Saturday, then why not be accompanied by the man you’re interested in?
#4 Help Pay: I remember the absurd amount of jitters I had before the first date with my ex-boyfriend. I didn’t have them because I lack in conversational skills, but because I am so stubborn that I didn’t want him fighting me on paying for part of the dinner. A lot of women feel that a man should court them for a month’s period of time i.e. pay for everything, but for men, it’s the little things that count. In other words, he’s not going to make you his girlfriend if he sees that you’re not helping chip in. If you aren’t doing it now, why would things change after you two become official? Either you’re going to enjoy a few free meals and end up sitting on your couch alone eating ice cream, or you will realize that a relationship AND dating is 50/50. Besides, what’s wrong with showing a man that you can hold your own?
#5 Have Sex: You ever hear the story of the woman that had a 3-month rule? She wouldn’t sleep with her boyfriend until they dated that long. To make a long story short, she finally slept with him and then he dumped her one week later. If you haven’t heard that story yet, stay tuned because you’ll be able to tell it. I am not condoning one night stands, that’s not dating anyways, but I am condoning that you toss the rules out the window and express your emotions at all times. Because just as easy as it was for that guy to dump you after four weeks of dating and great sex, it’s just as easy for him to do it after four months.

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What’s holding you back from asking a man out or calling him?  Share your thoughts with us by commenting below.

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About How To Put The Fun Back Into Dating (HTPTFBID)

How To Put the Fun Back Into Dating is an invigorating and enlightening space created for the Goddess within you. We have all struggled to keep up with the ever changing dating norms and expectations. Thus, quite often we find ourselves looking at dating as a daunting and downright frightening task.

That’s where we come in, to transform the way you view dating and inevitably transform your life. We will guide you through all of your questions and doubts, whilst providing you with information that will empower you and give you back that sparkle to attract and keep the man of your dreams.

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5 Dating Disasters Women Make On Their First Date
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