You CAN Find Mr. Right Online!

Have you recently mentioned to your friends that you are going to try an online dating site?

Are they looking at you with eyes full of pity or horror?

Why you ask?

Let’s face it, there’s still  a stigma attached to telling “long time married’ people you met someone online. When the internet first was a fad, people found themselves in chat-rooms talking to strangers inventing personas and altruistic versions of themselves. Well the internet has changed and people’s intentions are different now. The goal is not just to chat. The purpose of the chatting is to open the door to a new world of potential dates.

A lot of women I know have successfully conquered that world of dating and they’ve met great guys online (me included!). Online dating allows you the freedom to be very discriminating and to filter for exactly what works for you. The fun type – the marrying type – every type in fact!

Dating sites say that over 1 out of 5 relationships start online

Diving into the world of online dating can be scary and understandably if you have no experience. The first battle is finding a legitimate dating or matchmaking website that’s up to your standards and pace, then you’re in theory all set. BUT…there is a “but.”

You need to learn the art of attracting the right guy – web style!

You can’t just show up to a fight without a weapon. You don’t want to solicit the creeps (they don’t need the help). You should focus on building a profile that will reel in YOUR type so you don’t waste time corresponding with people you’re not even remotely attracted to.

First things first, set up an awesome profile: PHOTO, BIO, Tagline – I talk about these issues in detail in one of our articles but let’s cover some of the basics right now.

Obviously, you need to pick a photo you look good in. Ideally it shows a little bit of mystery but also tells him something about you at a glance. Do you enjoy fly fishing or running triathlons? Find a cute photo of you at your element and post it. Men who like the same things you like are sure to respond to that.

Next up is your self-description or Bio. Here is where it gets a little tricky.

This part of your profile should contain a pseudo-tagline that instantly commands attention. And no, it doesn’t have to be too far out. Don’t lie about yourself and please, avoid clichés. A genuine yet witty tagline like, “Been there, done that but, hey, who’s keeping tabs?” is a funny yet non-cheesy way to say you’ve been through a lot but are still resiliently waiting for the right guy.

The key is to not try too hard and use your sense of humor – it goes a long way. Share a little part of yourself without giving everything away. No sob stories and no novels – you are not trying to send them running! Just something true but light.

Follow this tagline with a short paragraph of your ideal date/man/relationship – ie. what you are looking for. Please, no clichés like “enjoys walks on the beach” or “looking for Mr. Right”. Be specific but not demanding. Try “Sharing a cup of coffee and some great bagels does sound nice.” You can also insert your one or two hobbies just so they have a feel of your preferences.

When interests have been declared, contact has been made, you check out his info and you feel good about the guy, it’s time to shift into third gear.

Desperation is a deal-breaker. In your first response to him, don’t sound too thankful for his interest in you. He should be interested, you’re fabulous! Men can smell desperation in all forms of communication (and so should you). Keep engaged and stay interesting. Just one or two short paragraphs should suffice. Tell him a little something funny about your day. Flirt with him – maybe ask him something a bit sassy about himself too.

A meet-up after the first email is not moving too fast, don’t worry. You can set a meet-up that’s under your terms and in your comfort zone- it’s not too forward and men often respond well to not having a long email/online correspondence . My advice: it’s always best to discuss meeting-up over the phone so you actually know he’s a real person and you get a feel of how he is in a conversation. This lets you get a sense of what type of person he is so you’re sure you should take this next step.

One final tip: STAY HONEST and BE TRUE TO YOURSELF

One of the reasons why some men (and women) feel traumatized with online dating are the lies that are so easily said online. If you truly want to be successful in the online dating world, be true to who you really are so that there are no false expectations from anyone.

Don’t always assume that a guy on an online dating website is covering something up. What if he’s not? Sugar-coating your real self is just one of the many ways to deflect a good guy who, like you, is also looking for someone to have relate well to, have fun and actually make a serious connection with.

Online dating has come a long way. Try it! Keep in mind, your first connection might not be THE ONE but don’t let that deter you. 1 out of 5 people says it really works – and I am one of them!