Do you find yourself tongue-tied and lost for words sometimes on a first date?

Do you wonder what you should talk about early on and fret that you won’t have anything great or unique to say?

What would it feel like if you could go into the date prepared?

Many times in my early years I went  into dates not prepared at all and then wondered why my date didn’t really gel. In fact, several times there was no second date even though I thought there was real potential!

I learned that ‘date prep’ is as important as prepping for a job interview if I really want it to go well.

Date Prep 101
First dates should be full of laughter and fun; you should be bonding as they say.

It’s a time for you to learn about him…it is not meant to be a test, so don’t grill him.  Your job as a ‘dating’ goddess is to make him feel as comfortable around you as possible and to make him think he is one of the most interesting people you’ve met; therefore, you need to ask him questions.

The trick is to be original.  Ask questions that he probably doesn’t usually get asked.  Don’t be a typical girl that asks what his favorite color is and how his day was.  Sass it up a bit.  Those run of the mill, boring questions are not going to make you stand out and incite his attraction.

Here are some examples of some great and original questions you could ask:
- If you could have one superpower, what would it be … and why?
- Do you have a hero?
- Who has played the most influential part in your life?
- Who, or which band do you like listening to the most?
- Which movie would you watch over and over again?
- If you only had 60 seconds to grab stuff, what would you take out of your burning home?
- What book have you read that has had the most impact on you and your life?

These questions are safe but very informative – if you have your radar up to the answers and what the answers may mean to you if you moved forward along the dating path with this man. Hey, they may even spark a good-natured debate where you can show off some of your own interests (like a common band or favorite subject in school) or challenge him gently to dig deeper and not just say something superficial.

From the other side of the Coin
Now, I am NOT saying ask all your questions but like preparing for an interview, as you review some of these, they will stick with you and you can keep the conversation lively by interjecting them when it makes sense.

From the other side of the coin, be aware of what men want and what they are looking for;  keep his interest captured by asking him questions he’s not expecting.  He’ll be intrigued by your originality and wonder what you’re going to ask him next.   The plus:  you get the type of answers you need to check in with your gut to decide ‘keep on truckin’ handsome’ or ‘yep, you might be a keeper’.

It’s a good idea to ask the tougher questions in a more subtle manner  so that they don’t directly refer to yourself.  Say them with a smile and a bit tongue in cheek and you can keep the date fun and without the ‘Spanish Inquisition’ happening in the 21st Century:
- Do you have a super loyal friend?
- So, I caught the tail end of the Jerry Maquire movie a while ago-do you believe one person completes us?
- How faithful of a person are you? (if a friend answered for you …on a scale of 1-10)
- Would you prefer to be wanted or needed?
- When did you last break a trust? What happened to make that come about?
- Under what circumstances would you lie to someone?
- Do you have spiritual or religious beliefs?

It’s also important to ask some fun questions.  These will get you laughing together and you might just find out some really interesting facts about your man.  Here are some ideas:
- Have you ever been high?
- Have you ever been kissed like the top of your head blew off?
- If you could recreate the book Eat, Pray, Love, (I know – don’t cringe!) where would you travel to eat, where would you travel to pray, and where would you go to find love?
- Where’s your favorite place in the whole world?
- What is your greatest talent that you can show me in public?

What NOT to Ask on your First Date
Men have a tendency to run away from a good thing if it looks like there might be some high drama heading their way.

For instance, I think it is a very bad idea to ask a question such as, “I like you enough to ask you to go out with me again, do you like me enough to say yes?”  This is a terrible question to ask and will have him running from you as fast as his Nikes can take him.

And then there are the questions pretty much guaranteed to give him the Fatal Attraction feeling if they were asked at any point early in a dating relationship (ie at minimum before the 16 week time frame!)

Some of the doozies might be considered:
- You’re cute, do you think we can hit it off forever?
- What do you think of me?
- Would you accept if I asked you to commit to me?
- Can you see yourself spending a lifetime with me?
- What do I mean to you?
- Can you see me with you in your future life?
- Do you tell your friends about what we do together?

I leave you with one final line of questioning that has really helped me to know what I am heading into and what he stands for:
- “What is considered private in your life; what constitutes an invasion of privacy? When did you probably cross the line in a past relationship?”

On that very auspicious note…I think that may say it all. Inquiring minds want to know.

Have you ever tried to read your man and wondered what the #$@^!  was going through his mind?  Have you wanted some connection and intimacy with him and instead you got the cold shoulder?

Men are notorious for not being very verbally demonstrative. However we all know that they are hugely visual! So let’s play with that…as they say, 93% of communication is non-verbal.

Women are approximately TEN times better than men at reading body language

By paying attention and using your visual awareness you can pick up on his body language and he will “tell” you what’s going on for him- no words required!

As you learn how to control your space and communicate using your body your whole world will expand.

One of the first steps in learning body language is defining your own personal space.  By setting your personal space you are expressing your emotional boundaries.  The strongest relationships and dating scenarios are created by both sides having strong personal boundaries. By allowing a man into your personal space you are showing him that you trust him, respect him and are willing to show him affection.  Although physical boundaries can be easier to break than emotional boundaries, he will pick up on your vibes and subconsciously know that you’re willing to give him a chance and let him in.

When you get good at reading his body language you can practice on your own body language to practically create situations and a space that allows for more openness and fun between you and your guy.

Think of personal space as an expanding or collapsing balloon

Another trick to body language is you can learn how to collapse and expand the personal boundary that you have set.  If you notice your man is in a crappy mood, you can certainly expand the space by stepping back and allowing him time to recover.

Desire some closeness and intimacy? Collapsing the space is a quick move to see if he’s up for it: collapse the space and he steps away from you …then you know it’s time to retreat. Don’t push him – it  won’t go well as men can’t fake it. But by taking a step in and watching his reaction to your action, you can figure out where his head is at and go from there.

Show and Tell
I loved this time of kindergarten class when I was young. More so as an adult …the ultimate as a Goddess in the dating world!

A woman who touches herself exudes a confidence and shows that she is comfortable in her own skin.  By touching your neck or playing with your hair you give off a vibe that says you’re good with yourself and you are open and a potential strong playmate.  Subconsciously he will see that you are okay with touch; you like being touched, and you might want him to touch you.  He may even consciously pay attention where and how you would like to be touched.

Subtle moves like these can be sensual beyond belief (for you and him) and if done right will really amp up his attention.

It’s all in the eyes
If you’re not looking him in the eyes he’ll think you’re not paying attention and you don’t really care.  Tantric sex teachings go into great depth to showing us how much we connect with our eyes. In fact, I remember that one teacher said ‘The Power of Eye Contact Is The Power of Knowing’. Now I am not advocating Tantric eye contact outside of the bedroom as an everyday occurrence but connection really does start there.  Don’t be creepy and stare at him; you need to look away occasionally, but by making eye contact during conversation you’re sure to capture and keep his attention. Atraction is not a choice!

So let’s review
During any conversation with your man; if you’re subtly touching yourself, being attentive and making eye contact, you will show him that you are truly interested in him and what he has to say. Body language is a fine art.  One that every beautiful Goddess should master.  It takes practice and the only way to learn is through trial and error.  If you’re collapsing and expanding the space and realize something is going terribly wrong then change what you’re doing.  He might not understand what you’re doing but he will thank you for your efforts.

Maybe it happened when he said he loved you—or when he said he didn’t.  Maybe it was when you got that promotion, or when that gorgeous, put-together woman walked into the room.  That little seed of doubt crept in: Am I good enough?

You felt that insecurity, the doubt of wondering whether or not you’re worthy.

Let me tell you something—when that gorgeous, put-together woman walked into the room, she felt it too.  We all do.

It’s completely natural to doubt your self-worth—especially when you’ve heard the message that you’re not good enough in every commercial. Maybe you’ve heard it in a relationship, too, or from those mean girls in high school. Maybe you’ve had a hard time attracting a man, and it’s bringing up all those questions you’d rather not ask.

Whether it’s your body, your career, or your love life, you’ve felt it.  So the question is: what now?

What do you do when you hear that nagging voice? Do you allow yourself to wallow in self-pity and insecurity, or do you step into your power and conquer it?

It’s important to be aware of what you’re feeling, and to be kind to yourself if you are feeling insecure.  But trust me on this—spending too much time living inside your self-doubt isn’t going to do you any favors.

Now, this might be hard to hear at first. You might not believe it.  But I want you to know:

You are good enough.

Without even knowing you I can tell you that you’re good enough.  Every single woman who walks this planet is a gorgeous goddess. With a little bit of self-confidence and joie de vivre, you can conquer the world.

So how do you get started?

Here’s how: Fake it till you make it. No one feels 100% confident 100% of the time. Not Charlize Theron, not Halle Berry, not Heidi Klum. If you’re shrinking inside, that’s nobody’s business but yours—so stand tall and smile. Tell a joke.  Pretend like you really do think you’re amazing.

At first it’ll be like learning to walk in heels.  You’ll feel a little wobbly.  But something new will happen: people will believe you!  They will respond to the message you communicate about yourself, whether you’re saying it with words or with body language. And when they start responding to you with admiration and respect, you might be surprised at how quickly you start to believe it yourself.

This doesn’t happen overnight, of course—it’ll take some work, and I promise you, there will be days when you’re just not feeling it.  When that happens, it’s important to keep reminding yourself that you really are good enough—in fact, you’re more than good enough.
Work on believing this. People really do respond the way you present yourself—they’ll respond positively to self-confidence, but there’s also another side to this coin: if you don’t believe you’re good enough, it will show. If the message you send to the world around you is one of self-hatred, that too will take root and begin to fester in the way others respond to you.

Learn to believe you’re amazing, and your life, your relationships, and your sex life will begin to soar.  Doors you never knew existed will start to open.  This is crucial.  It’s worth the work.

If you’re working hard at believing in your own worth, but you still find yourself struggling, it might be time to consider a coach.  Counseling focuses on your weaknesses, but a relationship and dating coach specializes in helping you move past those weaknesses and break through the fear and doubt.  Coaching is about working on your strengths and unlocking the best of what’s been hidden away inside you.

It’s also about practice, practice, practice—practicing confidence and dating techniques until you’re a savvy, seasoned pro.  As you learn and grow, those old insecurities will fall aside to make room for the new you, and you’ll find yourself dating like the gorgeous goddess you are.

Have you spent a good number of years with him?
Have you built a life together and made plans into the future?.
He’s been the first person you see in the morning and the last person you say goodnight to. Your friends love him and you’ve become part of his family. It seemed like he could really be the one, then one day, he says “it’s not working anymore”.

Did I hit a nerve? Has this happened recently? Is it happening to you now?

So you’ve been through a rough break-up and starting anew feels futile:

Picking up the pieces after breaking up with someone who has really integrated himself into your life is tough. Surviving it takes a lot of courage and deep inner strength—even from the most bad-ass of us women.

The old adage is that ‘time heals all’. But I say the normal process is often:
(1) You cry it out,
(2) You ask them back,
(3) You get angry with him and yourself,
(4) Your enter a destructive phase
(5) You accept the break-up and move on.

And then only then, does time eventually start to heal all and you find yourself in a better place.

So how do you get there?

Do you remember a time when you asked your “back-up guy” out right after you’ve just broken up with a boyfriend? Your inner voice says it sucks to be alone and there’s no use waiting by the phone. So you go ahead and call the guy who’s always wanted to ask you out. Why not? It’s a boost of ego and you won’t feel so alone right?

Wrong!

Jumping on to the next most available guy is not the answer to recovery. Ever heard of the phrase “beauty in the breakdown?” Well, this is exactly the time to witness beauty in something painful!
Easier said than done.

You’ll start questioning yourself and start thinking, “Maybe I didn’t do enough to make him stay;” or “I always pick the wrong men” or “there’s something wrong with me.”
For your sake, STOP.

For whatever reason he broke up with you, be it a third party or he just fell out of love; you have to quit beating yourself up to the point of losing your self worth. Lost of self-worth could be the most probable reason why you’re so quick to call the guy who has the least tendency to reject you.

It’s not being a masochist but you NEED to go through the pain alone and hit bottom so that there’s no way to go but up. There’s a difference between facing the pain and just avoiding it. Telling yourself that you’re totally fine just 3 days into the break-up of a long relationship is avoidance, not real recovery. Take time to mourn and make peace with your grief. Wallow in it for a couple of days then give yourself a realistic timetable and follow it.

The beauty in this breakdown is that you get a chance to learn from your experience and become better for it.

Accept your losses and don’t regret the fact that you’ve gone through something that seemed like a war. You go to battle because you know you’re gaining something if you win. So, win it! What you get is a wiser and more interesting version of you. Now that’s fierce! Now that is hot! Men are attracted to women who have their sh*t together.

One more important thing you should do to become all shiny and sassy again—DON’T RECONNECT WITH THE EX.
I’m not saying “never,” but the best you can do for yourself is to avoid the source of pain. He will be calling, texting, or emailing you to see if you’re okay but that’s just his way of easing his guilt. Responding back with hopes of getting back with him is prolonging the agony.

He is not contacting you to get back together and you need to keep repeating that in your head. Unless he has clearly declared he made a mistake and is willing to work things out again and made moves to fix what was in theory broken; he’s not really coming back.

Resist the urge. He broke up with you for a reason and an assessment from both sides is needed to fully understand why it didn’t work. Getting back together without fully grasping why things went wrong is just making a mess within the mess. Que horror!

Take control – set your boundaries. The sooner you burn that bridge, the faster you’ll feel better.

It’s Friday night. You walk into the party thinking you’re going to have such a great time and a guy of your dreams might just be on the other side of the door. You’ve just had your hair done and you’ve lost those nagging 5 pounds.  You fit into your skinny jeans and you’re feeling oh, so fabulous.

And then across the room you see her… a truly gorgeous woman with men 2 layers deep surrounding her. Gone in less than 5 seconds is all the confidence and sassiness you walked in the door with. Like a balloon deflating – you feel your vitality and sexiness leaving you. Your brain starts the scream: ‘OMG, she is sooo beautiful and confident – I could never compete. None of the guys will look twice at me when she is in the room!’

Hey, you’re not alone.
We’ve all had many moments like this.  These insecurities come up for every woman in the world.  There is no perfect, always confident, always stunning woman anywhere but… we can fake it till we make it!

But here’s the secret. No one knows how you are feeling on the inside. Frankly, I think most of the time people don’t want to know. They have their own doubts and insecurities and little gremlins sitting on their own shoulders telling them the litany of their own inadequacies.

But people quickly pick up on energy. They will feel your insecurities immediately if you allow them to show.  You will stand differently, you will speak differently – all of this is going to potentially push people away and make you continue to feel miserable. And the other woman in the room will have had nothing to do with that.

My advice: adopt a ‘take no prisoners’ attitude.  Nip to the washroom, stand up straight, take a deep breath, give yourself a mental shake, pinch your cheeks (don’t laugh- you know it works!)  and come back out into that party like you own the place.  Make eye contact with people, join in their laughter and connect with people.  Include others in your conversations that are standing more off on the sidelines with their own insecurities. People are always attracted to an upbeat energy. You felt amazing before you walked into the party so bring that feeling back.

Be playful and flirtatious.  Guys love a woman with confidence and that can hold their own in a crowd. There is no reason that someone else that you’ve never met should affect your mood so strongly.  You don’t have to compete – really, there is no shortage of great guys in the world.

Strut your stuff. Stand tall on your goddess shoes no matter how high they are!

Soon you will realize that the beautiful woman you first saw when you came in is no different than you.  She was probably faking it too – she might have just started a bit before you!

Girlfriends – we rely on them for everything. We want them to be there for us in the good times to share how awesome he is and also in the bad when he has broken our hearts.

But have you ever been driven a bit crazy by a girlfriend who can’t stop complaining about her man or if she’s hit a bad patch and thinks dating sucks? Have you heard yourself do the same thing?

Friends can be great sounding boards and we naturally turn to them when we feel the need to vent.  But how often do we consider how it might affect your relationship when all you do is complain?

Friends & Family
Your friends are there to be your support system.  They are there to hold your hand when you need comforting and they are there to laugh and play with as well.  It’s important to find the balance so that when you’re dating men, they don’t just hear the bad stuff.

No matter where you are in the dating journey there are bound to be some ups and downs  on the learning curve of what I actually call the dance of dating.

By only turning to your friends and loved ones for support you might end up alienating them as you embark on this journey of learning about men.  Stressing out your support group will not help you and you may even end up losing friends in the process.

Permission Asked (and Granted)
Your friends have lives too; and they have things they need support with as well.  Although it seems natural to turn to them to complain it can show a lack of maturity and caring.   If your friend or loved one has had a bad day she’s not going to want to hear you bitch about your man or at least not until she is in a time and place that doesn’t stress her out.

As a minimum, to keep the friendship healthy and harmonious –  if you feel you need to speak to a friend ask for permission to vent.  And wait for their answer. All too often we just launch into a  breathless “ do you know what he did last night on our date….”  vent either by phone (or by text) with no communication on if it is is appropriate and they have time to listen to us.

You need to develop good friendship behavior.  
Don’t call your friends at work to complain. Don’t call them if they are driving nor if they have kids screaming all around them. The permission thing is huge but so is picking a good time and place.

Here’s some more advice that I give out when I have clients that have strained their relationships as they learn the ropes of fun in dating:

• Consider writing in a journal when you need to vent;
• Choose to get some exercise – go to the gym, walk your dog – blow off some steam;
• Pick up other hobbies, don’t just focus solely on your men or your dating life;
• Try dating multiple men so that you are keeping your dance card open with plenty of options and not getting overly emotionally attached to one person;
• Don’t divulge too much detailed, confidential information about your man (or men). Until your friends have actually met him you don’t need them to pre-judge every little thing he does;
• If your ARE getting serious about a guy, let him meet your friends.  Allow them to get to know him on a personal level so that if and when you do need support they can come from a point of view that involves him and how they know him.  This will prevent general man-bashing sessions and they will have perspective on his point of view as well;
• On the flip side, if you don’t choose to get serious with your men, don’t drag them all out to meet your family or friends. Your friends  will never keep up and will feel awkward with the parade of men presented to them.
• Even after your loved ones or friends have met him, still don’t divulge too much personal information about your guy – it is horrendous and potentially stressful to the relationship to have your friends inadvertently letting him know just how much everyone else knows about the gritty details of  his life. Men like to open up at their own pace.

Lastly,

• Get a dating coach or mentor. This is someone who will help support and guide you through the ins and outs and help you make informed choices about dating and what works for you.

Your friends always want to be there to support you, but remember that they need support too. If you stop having fun with your friends you’ll find you don’t have any friends left after a while.

So keep the fun in all of your relationships!

Do you love a good book, or are you the type to say, “Eh, I’ll wait for the movie?” Meeting someone face to face is like seeing a film. You get the full story in bright pictures, and you’ll know within a couple of hours if you’ll give rave reviews or two thumbs down. You get a full sensory barrage, but it sometimes feels superficial.

Online dating is more like a novel. If it’s good, it unfolds over time, revealing more about him in indirect ways that tell many levels of his story at once. A book has depth; you get to know the characters slowly, but completely. The written word gives you insights that no movie could match.

While you don’t need a course in literary theory to know how to read his e-mail responses, knowing what to look for – and what to avoid – will help you pick the most promising letters from the stack.

1. Interest

Putting you first sounds great in theory, but a man who seems to have no interests beyond you quickly becomes a bore. A letter that expounds on all the qualities he sees in you rather than giving you an indication of what makes him tick is a sign of a guy who needs a hobby. At the opposite end of the spectrum are men who list an array of fascinating hobbies. Sure, he might enjoy yachting, yoga, hiking, gourmet cooking and all the other cool things he mentions, but he also might just be padding his letter. If he truly is into so many activities, how does he even have time to date?

Look for letters that describe his interests, but go beyond a laundry list of hobbies. “I spend time stargazing with my telescope because it gives me a sense of my place in the universe” tells you more than “I enjoy amateur astronomy.”

2. Writing Style

Unless you’re a copy editor, you probably won’t fault him for an occasional typo. However, his writing indicates how much he cares about the impression he’s making. Proofreading his words is like taking the time to wear matching socks: it shows he wants to get the details right. A letter that’s a mass of mistakes could mean he’s not too concerned how you’ll perceive him – a sign that he’s not that interested.

Complex sentences and a big vocabulary indicate a sharp mind, while simple sentence structure and small words suggest his strengths lie elsewhere. How much conversation makes you happy? Chatty Charlies tend to write lengthier e-mails, while Silent Sams are terse. This is only a guideline, though, not a rule. Some guys freeze at writing, but talk easily; others write for hours, but get tongue-tied in person.

3. Mystery

Suspense brings excitement to any form of entertainment, including dating. Look for letters that hold something in reserve. The guy who disgorges everything about his past is likely to over-share on your date as well. It’s good to know that he was married in the past, but it’s a bad sign if he also volunteers her name, shoe size and favorite perfume. On the flip side, beware if he treats any details about himself like state secrets; he could be hiding something.

4. Humor

There’s a place for offering a bullet list of all your best points in concise, neutral language. It’s called a resume. A guy who treats his correspondence with you as though he’s trying to land the job of Associate Dinner Companion isn’t going to be much fun on a date, either. Humor softens the rough edges in life. If he has a sense of humor, there’s no such thing as a bad evening – just a future funny anecdote in the making.

One caveat: if he shares obnoxious “humor,” run. The only difference between being trapped at a dinner table with a man who shares his repertoire of dumb-blonde jokes and having a root canal is that one of them comes with breadsticks.

5. Attitude

The subtlest element in his letter is also one of the most important. His attitude underlies who he is and colors everything he writes. Does he mention that he’s looking forward to hearing from you or that he’s excited about an upcoming event? He’s an optimist. Expressing worry about meeting or consternation over his job could mean either insecurity or pessimism. If he talks about women in terms of what “they all” do, look out – he has a misogynistic streak.

What catches your eye and convinces you to write him back is up to you, but keep these five must-haves in mind when you separate the contenders from the pretenders.

Try or Deny? Five Ways to Tell if He’s Email Worthy

You click his first message and your heart skips a beat.: he’s got a hot photo and he’s successful, romantic, and appears like an all-around Mr. Nice Guy. Or at least that’s what his words would have you believe.

Did you really luck into the grand prize in Online Dating Lotto, or is he full of bull?
If he’s got these five qualities, he’s worthy of at least one response. If not, hit the “delete” key and move on to better prospects

1: He’s honest.

Online dating can be a minefield which is riddled with half-truths, omissions, and yes, downright lies. It’s tempting for all of us to stretch the truth a little…or maybe a lot…with just a couple of strokes of the keyboard. That’s why a guy who’s honest with you right from the start is worth a response. He’s being real.

So how do you know if he’s honest? Well, a guy who’s trying to baffle you with BS will portray himself as Mother Teresa’s male counterpart. His message may be much like a resume for a Fortune 100 company job. He’ll also toss in a heaping helping of flattery: eg. your ad drew him like no other; he knows you’re his soul mate; you’re meant to be together forever…all that syrupy goop.

An honest guy will try to sell himself also, but he’ll temper the sales pitch with some honest banter about his flaws. Instead of drowning you in syrup, he’ll be more realistic about your prospects together. The flatterer might make you feel good right away, but it’s all superficial. The up-front guy is the best prospect for a long-term, healthy relationship.

Also, a portrayal of perfection and love proclamations in the first message are potentially signs of an online dating scammer. These predators overwhelm you with declarations of undying love to soften you for money requests.

2: He shows healthy boundaries.

Honesty must be tempered with healthy boundaries that can broaden later as you get to know each other. Beware of a guy who butters you up with too much information in his very first contact. There’s a difference between revealing enough to help you decide whether he’s worth pursuing and giving you his unedited autobiography.

For example, it’s fine if he tells you that he’s single for the first time in 10 years after a rocky marriage. It’s not good if he hits you with a multi-page diatribe about his cheating spouse and how she ripped his heart out of his chest, stomped it into mush, and pretty much destroyed his faith in all women. This sort of TMI reeks of “too needy,” “not ready for another relationship,” or just plain “hit the delete key now!”

The TMI approach is another scam-master favorite. A typical story goes into heart-wrenching detail about how the guy’s wife was killed in a tragic accident, like a car crash, and now he’s raising a child alone. If you bite, that kid’s going to suddenly need expensive surgery somewhere down the line, and guess who he’s going to hit up for the cash?

3: He sends a realistic photo.

Face it, are you really likely to meet Fabio’s younger twin online? If you get a photo of a drool-inducing hunk attached to that first message, it should set off your “is he full of B.S.?” radar. The picture could be genuine (I actually have met a couple online that are gorgeous and loving!), but the odds are it’s either A) not him; B) 20 years out-of-date; or C) heavily Photoshop’ed.

A casual photo of a normal guy feeds more into the whole honesty thing and should give him some brownie points with you. If you suspect photographic trickery or professional posing, ask yourself, “Do I really want to write to someone who’d give me a crock from Day One?”

4: Sharing of specific information.

A guy who tells you up front what he loves and what makes him cringe is honest and respectful of your time. If you love the beach and he hates vacations at the ocean, or if he lives for NASCAR when you’re bored to tears by cars zipping around an endless circle plus you are a huge environmentalist, it’s pretty obvious that writing to him is a waste to time and energy.. If he describes mutual interests, you’ve got a hot prospect and you should dust of your sass and go for it.

A vague “I like lots of things” means he’s wishy-washy, or maybe a people-pleaser, or too lazy to bother to spend the time up front to interact with a woman. He might even be a man who will claim to love everything you do even though he’s barely biting back the boredom and resentment as things progress.

5: He lives locally.

This one is mainly for your own protection. Sure, Mr. Right might be across the country, or even on the other side of the world, but so are the scammers. They set things up nicely so that the geographic distance makes it impossible to meet in person, and it also makes a good excuse to hit you up for plane fare. Primarily answer guys who live close enough that you know you can link up in person (at a public place to start, of course) if you hit it off.