Do you find yourself tongue-tied and lost for words sometimes on a first date?
Do you wonder what you should talk about early on and fret that you won’t have anything great or unique to say?
What would it feel like if you could go into the date prepared?
Many times in my early years I went into dates not prepared at all and then wondered why my date didn’t really gel. In fact, several times there was no second date even though I thought there was real potential!
I learned that ‘date prep’ is as important as prepping for a job interview if I really want it to go well.
Date Prep 101
First dates should be full of laughter and fun; you should be bonding as they say.
It’s a time for you to learn about him…it is not meant to be a test, so don’t grill him. Your job as a ‘dating’ goddess is to make him feel as comfortable around you as possible and to make him think he is one of the most interesting people you’ve met; therefore, you need to ask him questions.
The trick is to be original. Ask questions that he probably doesn’t usually get asked. Don’t be a typical girl that asks what his favorite color is and how his day was. Sass it up a bit. Those run of the mill, boring questions are not going to make you stand out and incite his attraction.
Here are some examples of some great and original questions you could ask:
- If you could have one superpower, what would it be … and why?
- Do you have a hero?
- Who has played the most influential part in your life?
- Who, or which band do you like listening to the most?
- Which movie would you watch over and over again?
- If you only had 60 seconds to grab stuff, what would you take out of your burning home?
- What book have you read that has had the most impact on you and your life?
These questions are safe but very informative – if you have your radar up to the answers and what the answers may mean to you if you moved forward along the dating path with this man. Hey, they may even spark a good-natured debate where you can show off some of your own interests (like a common band or favorite subject in school) or challenge him gently to dig deeper and not just say something superficial.
From the other side of the Coin
Now, I am NOT saying ask all your questions but like preparing for an interview, as you review some of these, they will stick with you and you can keep the conversation lively by interjecting them when it makes sense.
From the other side of the coin, be aware of what men want and what they are looking for; keep his interest captured by asking him questions he’s not expecting. He’ll be intrigued by your originality and wonder what you’re going to ask him next. The plus: you get the type of answers you need to check in with your gut to decide ‘keep on truckin’ handsome’ or ‘yep, you might be a keeper’.
It’s a good idea to ask the tougher questions in a more subtle manner so that they don’t directly refer to yourself. Say them with a smile and a bit tongue in cheek and you can keep the date fun and without the ‘Spanish Inquisition’ happening in the 21st Century:
- Do you have a super loyal friend?
- So, I caught the tail end of the Jerry Maquire movie a while ago-do you believe one person completes us?
- How faithful of a person are you? (if a friend answered for you …on a scale of 1-10)
- Would you prefer to be wanted or needed?
- When did you last break a trust? What happened to make that come about?
- Under what circumstances would you lie to someone?
- Do you have spiritual or religious beliefs?
It’s also important to ask some fun questions. These will get you laughing together and you might just find out some really interesting facts about your man. Here are some ideas:
- Have you ever been high?
- Have you ever been kissed like the top of your head blew off?
- If you could recreate the book Eat, Pray, Love, (I know – don’t cringe!) where would you travel to eat, where would you travel to pray, and where would you go to find love?
- Where’s your favorite place in the whole world?
- What is your greatest talent that you can show me in public?
What NOT to Ask on your First Date
Men have a tendency to run away from a good thing if it looks like there might be some high drama heading their way.
For instance, I think it is a very bad idea to ask a question such as, “I like you enough to ask you to go out with me again, do you like me enough to say yes?” This is a terrible question to ask and will have him running from you as fast as his Nikes can take him.
And then there are the questions pretty much guaranteed to give him the Fatal Attraction feeling if they were asked at any point early in a dating relationship (ie at minimum before the 16 week time frame!)
Some of the doozies might be considered:
- You’re cute, do you think we can hit it off forever?
- What do you think of me?
- Would you accept if I asked you to commit to me?
- Can you see yourself spending a lifetime with me?
- What do I mean to you?
- Can you see me with you in your future life?
- Do you tell your friends about what we do together?
I leave you with one final line of questioning that has really helped me to know what I am heading into and what he stands for:
- “What is considered private in your life; what constitutes an invasion of privacy? When did you probably cross the line in a past relationship?”
On that very auspicious note…I think that may say it all. Inquiring minds want to know.