How To Put The Fun Back Into Dating!

He Loves You… But Loves His Stomach More

They say that men love good food. Their relationship with food is so deep and unexplainable that it drives women crazy in the kitchen. Since the days where men would hunt for meat to give to their female friend to cook, women have known that food is very important to them.

Dare I say, even more important than blowjobs at times?

The famous quote “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” is one that women know all too well. Yet, a man’s love affair with food causes us to ask ourselves questions like: How can they not understand our chocolate cravings when we get our periods?

But unlike our cravings, a few men need someone to cook them what their stomach craves. So what should we be making if we want to reward them for good behavior?

I’ve whipped up 5 ways you can move the heat from the kitchen to the bedroom…or the kitchen counter!

Create an aphrodisiac meal together. Cooking together in the kitchen might be something you do everyday,  however try setting up somewhere exotic and make a meal to boost your libidos.

Mini tasting à deux. Arrange for each party to buy bite-sized food which will appeal to everyone consisting of an entrée, main and dessert. Then begin a rating game where you rate and review each other’s choice and let them know which tasting turns you on.

Get dirty. Try making a white cheesecake or a regular vanilla cake with lots of frosting and feed it to each other (minus the forks). Yummy in my tummy! Get gooey together and don’t forget to clean each other up afterwards (no napkins either).

Dessert bar. Who doesn’t love dessert? Create a major dessert spread on the coffee table with chocolate sundae bits, cookies, ice cream, fresh berries, and whipped cream. It will take him back to a child like happy place. But while you enjoy your sundaes, don’t forget to leave some room for the dessert where calories don’t count!

Try something new. An eater who’s been stuck in a meal rut can’t resist a surprise dinner with unusual and exotic tastes. This will help you both explore your palate and taste buds!

So we have an idea on what to make them, but what’s with their preference of having us prepare the meal? Here are a few possible reasons.

Men love women who cook

Men are always hunting for women. It’s their primal instinct.  At the end of the day if a guy had to choose between a woman who can cook and another who cannot, chances are he’ll pick the one who can cook.

According to writer and blogger Stuart McDonald**, he says there are many reasons why men choose the cook over the non-cook. He says that if a woman says she doesn’t cook that means she can’t.  Even with the modern woman crunching on time, making a full course meal on a regular basis seems like a luxury. So why do men still  love women who can cook?

  1. Men love to eat ( that will never change)
  2. Men think with their stomachs ( A hungry man is a irritable and unfocused man)
  3. Lastly, a woman who can cook reminds them of their mother. ( It always come home)

But, at the core of it all men love women who can cook because it potentially means their family or future family will be taken care of.

From the very beginning men were created to protect and provide for their families. However, before having family with a woman, he needs to make sure that she can take care of the family by providing basic necessities like food, water, and shelter. Passing this test shows love for men at an instinctual level and perpetuates that a woman’s role is in the kitchen. However, this is not necessarily true with today’s run of the mill man. But if the time came for him to choose, he would always pick a woman who can cook over one who cannot.

Male patriarchy?

We know that men love their women who can cook something up in the kitchen. However, it may be said that in some relationships men are still treating the women in their lives unfairly.

In the era of the baby boomer, men would come home hungry and would have a certain expectation to dinner being ready or almost ready. If she wasn’t home, he would wait till she got there. We rarely see this happen today.

According to a poll* in Esquire conducted last year, 14% more men cook now than they did in 1965. Personally I believe that this newfound food interest frenzied from restaurants, whole foods , and Food Network stars has created a culture. It seems that more and more men are inspired to pick up a knife and start cutting.

Now, my ladies, the game has changed.

Men are starting to help out in the kitchen. Men who cook spend 8% more time cooking now than their fathers did back then. Today, men describe themselves as “adventurous” cooks claiming that the use of their ingredients, recipes, and techniques has made them a better cook.

Masterchef explosion? Possibly.

Men are getting inspired by male TV chefs such as Jamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsay, and Nigel Slater. Forget special occasions like Christmas and Valentine’s Day because men are taking over the apron every other day of the week. There’s also this frenzy where men enjoying the shopping for new kitchen gadgets and appliances. Men are finally experimenting in the kitchen while making their wives open up the bottle of wine and fix the table.

Adding some spice in your next meal can also turn up the heat in your relationship. Next time you’re in the house together try creating and making your own memories starting in the kitchen. Not only will your man be pleasantly surprised and stuffed but chances are he’ll keep you forever!

* “Are Men The Future Of Cooking?” Elizabeth Gunnison Dunn. Esquire. accessed February 10, 2014 http ://www.esquire. com/blogs/food-for-men/men-cook-more-now-than-ever-15506451

** “The Reason Men Love Women Who Cook” Stuart Mc Donald accessed February 10, 2014 http ://www.stuartbmcdonald . com/reason-men-love-women-cook/#.Uvlw10JdVyi

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The Economic Dating Advice EVERYONE Needs!

In life we have gotten into the habit of categorizing everything  in two types of brain functions  based on the cerebral cortex of our brain, the left side and the right side. The left brain is thought to be the logical and mathematical side, while our right brain is  thought to be the emotional and creative side. But what if I could tell you that the left brain can handle some matters of the right much easier?

Economist Tim Harford is author of the Undercover Economist, and columnist in Financial Times. He started the “Dear Economist” love and relationship column in a jokey way at first, but real people started to write in and ask real questions. By helping the people who wrote in and his friends, Tim started his journey as dating expert.

He visited NPR’s Planet Money with interesting dating and relationship advice from the economist perspective, and three different people, with completely different lives called in with three very different questions.

Caller #1

The first caller was a seventeen-year-old boy from Pittsburgh who had anxiety about never going on a date before, and asked Tim if his lack of dating should be something to worry about.

Tim’s response was pretty simple at, no. According to him, the seventeen-year-old was suffering from what economic behaviorists called “hyperbolic discounting”. Meaning he was worrying about a small portion of his dating life instead of thinking about the larger part of what is to come.

I know, sometimes we do this ourselves with dating. When certain dates go wrong or we’re not dating as much as we’d like to, panic strikes. Well, instead of focusing on the small portion of wrong dates, think of the much larger possibility of a great date to come. The smaller portion may seem so much worse, but it doesn’t hold much weight economically speaking.

Caller #2

The next caller was a married woman who had a problem with her husband. Although they were happily married, the husband had issues with supporting the wife when it came to activities that didn’t include him, even when she was supportive of him and his hobbies. Tim had an easy fix.

As an economist, his advice was to set up a system of incentives. Tim suggested making jars for the both of them and when each of them has to do something for or with each other that they don’t really want to, a coin or token would get dropped in the jar. Once the jar was full, they would get a reward.

This is a simple and easy way to make any kind of compromise in a relationship. You should be able to give without receiving, but who doesn’t like to get something in return? Who knows what you’ll get out of all those long hours of service!

Caller #3

The last caller, was in a polyamorous relationship, married with two other partners and his wife was also in multiple relationships. His question for Tim was, as an economist he deals with the idea of scarcity and monogamy in the caller’s eyes was a scarcity in love. So, how does an economist think in the idea of polyamory, which is an abundance of love?

Tim broke down the idea in the finding not a scarcity in love, but a scarcity in time. As a polyamorous, the caller has to divvy up his time and attention to all of his lovers. Now he deals with the economic idea of quality and quantity, and what’s the trade off? Would you rather more love at a less meaningful level, or less love at a more meaningful level?

That’s something we call “take away from this in that”, we tend to stress about the amount of people we’re seeing, but how great are the relationships? Which one has a better payout for you; quality or quantity?

The Sunk Cost Fallacy

The last bit of advice Tim gave when it came to a relationship was about to consider things in the economic fashion of the “sunk cost fallacy”. This is the idea of  continuing on with something because you’ve started and you’re invested in the project. Sounds like a relationship, you know?

To avoid it, Tim suggests to stop and think; if you didn’t invest what you have invested before, would you start now? If the answer is no, you should probably stop. I know that may sound like a breakup for some people in the near future, but maybe it’s best.

Who would have thought a man who dealt with numbers could be so insightful about the matters of the heart. Maybe you should think about your love life in a more economic fashion from now on…

“Episode 513: Dear Economist, I Need A Date” Planet Money. NPR. Jan 29, 2014. accessed Jan 31, 2014. http ://www.npr. o rg/blogs/money/2014/01/29/268422490/episode-513-dear-economist-i-need-a-date

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The Dangers of Outsourcing Self Worth to a Man

From the outside looking in, one of my favorite clients, we’ll call her Maggie, had it all, including a husband who adored her.  However, from the inside of her marriage and her heart, it didn’t look that way to her.  Maggie felt like something was missing in her marriage, and her life.

She felt like her husband didn’t look at her the way he used to.The passion was long gone.Where he’d once made her feel like the center of his universe and the most desirable woman on the planet, now, he simply loved her deeply, and that wasn’t enough.

In the absence of the “Goddess Worship”, (her words, not mine), she felt less attractive, and less alive. Maggie needed something. She needed a fix. She wanted to feel desired.  So, she started looking for that fix elsewhere. A fix isn’t that hard to find.  Not too surprisingly, she had a fling. That fling left her feeling worse about herself than before.

So, she kept looking, elsewhere, everywhere, out there.

Immediately after the affair Maggie recommitted to her marriage and decided to take up golf. She swore she’d never cheat again, but she did, with a golf pro. Sex isn’t hard to find. Any man can worship you for a few hours or a few days, but none of them can plug the hole in your soul. She needed the validation. She wanted a man to adore her in a way that would stop the internal bleeding. So, six months later she asked for a formal separation.

Maggie left the man who loved her deeply, in search of something else, something more. Unfortunately she wasn’t looking for herself. She continued to look for someone to make her feel desired and adored. Someone who could help her feel beautiful again.

She knew he had to be out there.

I’d like to say this story has a happy ending. I’d love to move the narrative to the place where Maggie realized no one outside of herself could make her feel beautiful or worthy. However, I can’t because the story is still unfolding. Maggie hasn’t found herself or a Prince Charming to rescue and define her. Not yet anyway.

When a woman is dependent on a man to define her worth, she is alway profoundly vulnerable, and yet, a lot of women do it. Outsourcing self-esteem is dangerous business. Validation becomes a drug. You can’t get enough and you can’t ever find a dealer reliable enough to sustain yourself. Before you know it you’re prostituting yourself on many levels to get your next hit. There’s never enough of anything that comes from outside.

I know this from personal experience.

I spent more than a decade of my life dating for self worth. I dated unemployed losers that confirmed my suspicions I couldn’t do any better. I dated dismissive millionaires that confirmed my suspicions I wasn’t good enough. I dated tall men, short men, idiots, smart men, average joes, and cover worthy professional athletes. None of them made me feel loved, because I didn’t love myself.

But how, you might ask, do you love yourself enough to stop the bleeding, let alone thrive, when you don’t really even like yourself?

You start behaving like a person who does. You start making decisions about your life, like a person who matters would make. You start treating yourself the way you want someone else to treat you. You put yourself first, fill your own cup, and demonstrating your worth, first and foremost to yourself. For lack of a better way of putting it, you fake it till you make it.

Trust me, if you behave like a person who genuinely loves herself long enough, the feelings will follow. They have to.

A woman is never safe in the world until she finds herself and learns to love the woman she finds. A lot of the time that seems like a very lonely quest. It’s a solitary pursuit, however it’s the only quest worth taking.

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The Crime Everyone’s Dying To Commit!

Here at How To Put The Fun Back Into Dating, we don’t recommend for anyone to commit a crimes…but there is one mild criminal act that most people do commit at their own risk of indecent exposure, and that’s sex in public.

A lot of people would agree, sex is public is incredible and the risk of getting caught adds to the excitement. But there is a right way to do it, and a wrong way. If you and your partner are willing to take a walk on the wildside, here are few quick tips you should follow:

1. Make Sure You’re Alone: Be very aware of your surroundings. Make sure there’s nobody watching you and there are no children around. By not being careful is a quick way to getting caught.

2. Watch Your Noise Level: Sometimes, sex can be so great you’ll want to make a sound or two. But being too loud and careless about the level of noise you make, makes it easy for you to be noticed by others.

3. Clean Up After Yourselves: This is the golden rule. If you’re going to get busy someplace, the least you can do is be courteous to the people who may stumble upon your love nest after you’ve left. Don’t leave the area with less that you came with, it’s just gross if you don’t.

Now that you know the three simple steps in how to have safe public sex and you’re still thinking of taking that risk, you ask yourself, “where?” Here are a few places Fox News* and The Stir** had in mind and the risk level you could be taking from 1 to 5:

  • Night Club/Concert (3): Music is just one of those things that get you in the mood without even trying. If the thump of the beat or lyrics to the song get you, sneaking away to a bathroom or a secluded nook in the building is a good spot to get it on. This place is rated 3 as a hit or miss in risk, but with the loud music on your side you shouldn’t have to worry much.

  • Park Bench (4): Sitting on a bench at the park with your partner can be a romantic moment. But getting your groove on, on that bench is another story! Make sure the park is empty or very close to empty. This place is rated a 4 for  the fact of joggers, children, and police roaming the grounds.

  • The Backyard (1): If you have a backyard with or without a fence, this may be a good spot to start your public sex escapades. Having a fence, you’re at an advantage of no one seeing you, but if you don’t have a fence The Stir suggests pitching a tent. Since you’re not at a great risk of fully exposing yourself, this is rated a 1.

  • Parked Car (2): Having sex in a parked car can bring a bit of nostalgia back in your life. As long as you’re parked in a secluded area and have a big enough vehicle to satisfy each other, there’s nothing really stopping you. Just be wary of police looking out for fogged windows, and with that mild risk it’s rated a 2.

  • Elevator (5): Having some fun in an empty elevator is super tricky, but super hot! Each level you go up is another risk of the doors opening and you getting caught, not to mention the possibility of  the security camera. If you can get away with this, you deserve a medal, that’s why it’s rated a 5.

  • Public Transportation (5): Getting your kicks on public transportation is some of the hardest and most at risk places to have sex. This includes buses, and yes the infamous mile high club! With public trans, there are always cameras, there are always attendants, and there are always nosy people; not to mention the cramped spaces. Sex here can run the risk of you getting kicked off, and derailing your travel plans, so if you get away with it I applaud you! This is why it’s rated at a 5.

Having sex in a public setting is not for the shy or faint hearted. When you do decide to take your love life up that ladder, make sure it’s something that you really want to do. Don’t let your partner pressure you into it, and have fun!

*“FOXSexpert: The 20 Riskiest Places to Have Sex” Fox News. Com accessed 2/6/2014. http ://www.foxnews. com/story/2009/02/12/foxsexpert-20-riskiest-places-to-have-sex/** “25 Mind-Blowing Sex Spots You Never Thought to Try” Jamye Waxman, The Stir accessed 2/6/2014. htt p://thestir. cafemom. com/love_sex/121952/25_Mind_Blowing_Sex_Spots

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About How To Put The Fun Back Into Dating (HTPTFBID)

How To Put the Fun Back Into Dating is an invigorating and enlightening space created for the Goddess within you. We have all struggled to keep up with the ever changing dating norms and expectations. Thus, quite often we find ourselves looking at dating as a daunting and downright frightening task.

That’s where we come in, to transform the way you view dating and inevitably transform your life. We will guide you through all of your questions and doubts, whilst providing you with information that will empower you and give you back that sparkle to attract and keep the man of your dreams.

It is never too late to reclaim your life, and alter your love life to give you the exciting, fun, passionate love life you deserve.

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