At times your relationship can reach a stagnant point where it is time to figure out what’s working and what’s not. It is at this time that you find yourself making excuses for the things in the relationship that aren’t making you happy, you hope that he changes so that things will get better, and the little things that you never noticed before begin to bother you.
As with most failing relationships there is generally always a point at which the relationship really should have ended and then there’s the point at which we actually end it. Sometimes it is challenging to decipher if the relationship can actually be fixed or if you really are with the wrong person and the only way to fix the situation is to leave it.
Women and men can fall in love with multiple people throughout their lives, but that does not mean that every single one of them is right for you. Some partners will be better than others and yet you were probably in love with all of them at some point. This is why things can get quite complicated when deciding whether to stay in a relationship or not. We’re wired to think that love is the key to a healthy and happy relationship and although there is truth in that, there are an abundant amount of other elements that are also crucial to a successful relationship.
Often when we are at this crossroads in a relationship, it does seem easier at the time to just drag it out until both you and your partner are completely ruined and then end it. However, it’s actually much more beneficial to cut all ties when you realize that you don’t want this person by your side next week, let alone in the next fifty years.
Huffington Post contributor Tamara Shayne Kagel, offers the ten signs that indicate when it is time to leave a relationship in the past and move forward.
1. There is no trust between the two of you.Trust is one of the most fundamental elements of a relationship and without it you will drive both yourself and your partner crazy. Tamara stresses that being in a relationship shouldn’t be about rebuilding the trust, but rather enjoying a partnership where trust is already an established part of it from the beginning.
Trust is the foundation upon which you should build a relationship, so if you’re struggling to trust your man because of past indiscretions or because he fuels your insecurities than you need to move on. Tamara suggests finding a new partner with whom you won’t have to build a relationship on a broken foundation. A relationship with no trust is destructive to your emotional and mental health, so as hard as it may be to move on, when you finally do you won’t be torturing yourself any longer.
2. You’re tempted to peruse through his things. If examining his phone and social media becomes a prevalent part of the relationship than this relationship is no longer a healthy place for you to be. Once you begin to feel the need to determine if he is up to no good, the relationship is nearing its expiration date.
Tamara says that instead of blaming yourself and your insecurities for snooping, you have to realize that it’s not you, it’s the relationship. When you catch yourself snooping, it is time to start thinking about ending it as quickly as possible and finding a partner who you do trust.
3. You don’t want to live in the same place. If you and your partner can not agree on a place to live then it is only fair to part ways so that both of you can seek complete fulfillment in life.Tamara believes that “if you can’t both be happy in one location together, you do not have a happy relationship because by definition, one of you will always be in a place that you don’t want to be in.” If you find yourself thinking that the relationship is great but you really think it would be better if you lived elsewhere, then it could be time to reevaluate what is truly important to you. If where you live has the ability to impact your happiness, eventually you could start to harbor resentment towards your partner, which can then end in heartbreak.
4. Your relationship makes you cry a lot. If you’re constantly making excuses for crying about his actions and yet think you’re in a great relationship, unfortunately you’re not. Crying about your man is definitely not a healthy part of a relationship and is more than a definite sign that it is time to call it quits.
You may begin to think that the reason for your tears is something that can be fixed, such as spending more time together or having him understand you better, however you may just not be right for each other. Don’t make excuses for him or yourself that you’re just extra sensitive because of tough times because tough times will always exist. Chances are you are just not right for each other and it isn’t him that is making you cry it is the relationship as whole.
5. You want him to have a different job.Tamara says “if your happiness is contingent upon his job changing, accept that you are not in a happy relationship.” If you find yourself thinking, “when he stops being a musician and gets a “real” job then this relationship will be perfect,” than you are not in a happy relationship. He may never give up the career that you aren’t behind 100 percent, so if that is the case then you would be doing both of your futures a favor to part ways.
6. You want him to be more considerate. If your happiness is dependent upon him changing and he hasn’t done it yet, then he probably won’t ever do it. Spare yourself the torture and struggle in trying to change a man that is already set in his ways. If you wish he were more thoughtful on special occasions then chances are you really are selling yourself short. Tamara stresses that if, “you’re hoping for something special because you feel ignored and under-appreciated all year. Find a guy who is thoughtful the entire year and you’ll stop wasting all your energy hoping against hope that he’ll finally prove how much he does care about you.”
7. You want him to change. If he isn’t the man you want him to be yet, he probably won’t be changing anytime soon, if ever. If there are facets of his personality that bother your and even if he says he will be able to change, sometimes it is better to face the facts that you are not made for each other. There are plenty of men out there that will be able to meet your requirements from the beginning, you just need to give yourself an opportunity to meet them. Tamara believes, “If you’re saying things are good except I need him to be different, things are not good. It’s not meant to be.”
8.You want to be more of a priority. Being a part of a solid union gives both you and your partner the right to be the most important thing in each other’s life. Sure you both have careers, hobbies, friends, and family outside of each other but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t realize how important you are to each others lives. Tamara stresses, that if your partner struggles in making you feel like a priority than it is ok to walk away and expect that treatment from someone else in the future.
9. You wish his interests were more similar to yours. Yes opposites do attract, and yes it is possible to fall in love with someone different to you, that does not mean that the relationship will be sustainable. As a couple you should be able to do things together and genuinely enjoy them. You and your partner should be friends as much as you are lovers, if not more. Tamara points out “ research suggests that similarities are what make for a good relationship that can withstand the test of time.”
10. You’re in the relationship for the perks.You don’t necessarily trust him and he doesn’t really make you happy most of the time, but you’re comfortable and used to him so you don’t leave. This is probably one of the biggest reasons that it is time to get out as soon as you can and move on with your life. The minute you rid yourself of this toxic relationship the better off you will be. Put both you and your partner out of misery and end it. You will both be so happy once you finally do.
“For the Love of God, Just Break Up with Him Already,” Tamara Shayne Kagel. Huff Post: Women. Accessed February 1, 2014. htt p://www.huffingtonpost. com/tamara-shayne-kagel/relationship-advice_b_1603032.html
Sometimes going on first dates can be nerve-racking. You worry about what you’re going to say, what you’re going to do, and what kind of time you’re going to have. But when you go on a first date, you shouldn’t be worried about ANYTHING! This is your time to get to know someone and have a some fun while you’re at it!
But don’t go too wild. Dating expert and the queen of flirting, Lauren Frances, has a few first date dos and don’ts that will ensure a fun time and possibly a second date.
1. Stay Sharp At All Times
Lauren’s dating rule is to, “ always be sharp enough to do romantic research”. That means, one from the bar is more than enough to drink. I know sometimes we get a little nervous and liquid courage seems to do the trick, but you want to have a clear mind to assess your date and be able to weed out the good guys from the others.
2. Leave The Ex’s Out
There is nothing quicker to turn anyone off than to bring up an ex. Lauren says, you shouldn’t trash your ex’s on the date (which you shouldn’t), but I would just leave them out altogether. This date is about potentially starting a new relationship, not to find closure on the past one. If you’re talking trash or constantly chit-chatting about your ex, maybe you’re not ready to get back out in the game just yet.
3. Speak Highly Of Yourself
No, this is not a job interview, but you don’t want to sell yourself short to your date. Lauren says, confidence is sexy, so when you breathe that confidence in you and let it shine out to your date, the attraction will be undeniable. Talking about the things you don’t like about yourself only puts a dark mood on the date ,and will probably make your date question why he’s out with you. Only say good things!
4. Let Him Chase You
If there is one game both men and women like to play, it’s cat and mouse. Men love the chase and women like not to get caught. Lauren says, to not deprive your date that thrill. I know sometimes we get a little eager, and as go-getters we go for what we want, but there’s a right way and a wrong way. Lauren suggests a little harmless flirting is a great way to get the game started, after that it’s up to him to pursue.
5. Always Look Like You’re Enjoying Yourself
Unfortunately, not all dates are winners. Sometimes you meet a guy you find out is terrible for you, and the date was one of the worst times you’ve ever had, but that doesn’t mean he has to know that. As a lady, you don’t want to hurt the gentleman’s feelings or seem like a snob. Lauren says, if the date is utterly sour, shake his hand, thank him for the time, and quickly leave. There’s no need to be rude, some dates are busts. Time to move on to the next!
6. Keep A Positive Outlook On Dating
We get a little wary of dating when we’ve gone on fifty billion bad dates, but that doesn’t mean your positive attitude has to suffer. Just think about it as one more step closer to a great date. Lauren says, no man wants to pursue a woman who has a bad attitude about dating. She also suggests to be “a romantic challenge, not a mental health challenge”. A positive attitude on life and dating shows you’re a positive person, and that’s something men want to have in their lives.
As I said before, a first date shouldn’t be big deal. You want to walk into it with an open mind and open to a great time with someone new. If you follow these tips with all of your first dates and dates after, love won’t be too far off in the future.
“8 Romantic Rules for a Fabulous First Date!” Lauren Frances, Lauren Frances. com. Accessed January 30, 2014. http ://www.laurenfrances. com/articles_8_romantic_rules.php
I know exactly how you feel.
I used to look in the mirror and feel disgusted. I hated my body, my hair, my boobs, my nose, and anything else that showed its face. It was a vicious cycle of negativity, and the longer I allowed it, the stronger it became.
We’re women, and we’re bombarded with images on TV and in magazines, and by our friends who are trying to compete as well.
It’s completely normal to want to feel gorgeous and worthy. But the truth is you already are!
How does this affect dating?
If you’re feeling unworthy, ugly, and/or fat, you’re sending off some negative vibes to everyone around you, including your date. When you’re “telling” the world that you hate something about yourself, the world will receive your message whether you realize it or not.
If you’re uncomfortable with your body, it won’t be long until your date is uncomfortable in general. If you’re nervous about your date thinking you’re not pretty enough, you date will start to become nervous too.
Dates can already be nerve wracking. We’re out with someone we barely know, wanting to get to know them, hoping they’re not crazy, and wondering if they’ll turn out to be “the one.”
It’s time to turn that negative body image around so that you can focus on the important stuff, like: does he want children, does he have a job, or will he accept the fact that I’m terrified of the ocean?
Here are 3 things that you must start doing today to build up your body image:
1. Give yourself compliments.
I know it may sound silly at first if you haven’t been doing it, but it’s a must. I always tell myself, no one else is guaranteed to give me a compliment today, so I must give myself one. Compliments will help you slowly build your self confidence up, and that’s something that you absolutely deserve on a date.
2. Ask yourself what would make you feel gorgeous.
A few years ago, I gained 50 pounds. I also immediately started to hate myself. I refused to buy new clothes because I didn’t want to accept that I had gained weight. I didn’t feel worthy enough to wear beautiful clothes, or makeup, or get my hair done. It was a disaster.
You deserve to feel gorgeous, no matter what size or shape you are. Maybe a new outfit will uplift you. Or a new hairstyle. Or some makeup. Try different things out and get clear on what helps you feel gorgeous. Your date will certainly feel the energy!
3. Give others compliments.
What you put out into the world, you will receive in return. Give your best friend a compliment, as well as the stranger at the grocery store. When you see your date, give him a compliment as well. It will lighten the mood and you’ll begin the date on a positive note. Hopefully, he returns the favor.
These are 3 things that you can start doing today to move towards a healthier, happier body image. Start within and spread the love all around you. I believe in you and it’s time to start believing in yourself too!
It’s that time of year again when store displays are brimming with love hearts, teddy bears, and flowers, and the celebration of love seems to be present at every turn. As you flip through the channels you notice an abundant amount of romantic comedies playing over and over again, reminding you how Valentine’s Day is supposed to be spent. You’re all for the idea of everlasting love and celebrating with your partner, the only hiccup is that this year you don’t have a partner.
Flying solo this Valentine’s day? Turns out that being single on Valentine’s Day can actually be a good thing! In life almost everything comes down to perspective and your reactions, so avoid the Valentine’s Day blues this year by engaging in activities that will make you appreciate single life.
The love and sex experts at SheKnows. com provide you with ten tips that will make your Valentine’s Day the most enjoyable and fabulous yet!
1. Make plans with your girlfriends. Charlotte from Sex and the City made an excellent point when she said that maybe friends are your soulmates, and men are just great nice guys to have fun with. The truth is not every man you date will be your happily ever after but real friends can last a lifetime. So this Valentine’s Day why not plan a date with your single friends and relish in the pleasure of being surrounded by your best friends. Host a girls night at your house or why not go out for a few cocktails. There’s nothing that will help you to enjoy Valentine’s Day more than laughing it up with your girlfriends and having a good time!
2. Plan a spa day. Appreciate being single on this day by treating yourself to a spa day. Whilst all the couples out there are packed inside busy restaurants, you will be indulging in a little me time. Go ahead and pamper yourself, you deserve it! Love starts with you so why not make yourself feel amazing on a day devoted to love? Enjoy!
3. Retail therapy. Retail therapy has the ability to give every gal a little pick me up. So if you’re feeling a little down about being single, hit up some shops! Instead of spending money buying a partner a sweet gift, use that money to buy yourself something nice. This holiday is supposed to be about celebrating love but who’s to say that it has to be the love that is shared between two people? Remind yourself how lucky you are and how much you love yourself by treating yourself to something special.
4. Exercise. Going to the gym will not only release endorphins, naturally making you feel happier, but there will probably be a lot of other singles there too! Take a fun class or go for a run and then ask a hottie to show you how to use a certain piece of equipment. Valentine’s Day is a great day to meet people, as it could make others be on the lookout for significant other more than usually.
5. Call up your best guy friend. If you really feel like indulging in a little Valentine’s day festivity still why not call up you best guy friend? There is definitely nothing wrong with going on a fun night out with a buddy and having a few drinks and sharing a couple of laughs. As long as its platonic and you’re both single then go for it! It’ll be a fun night out with a great guy, followed by sprawling out on your bed, and enjoying all the comfy bed space without having to share it with anyone! Ever slept with someone who hogs the bed? Then I am sure you can appreciate this.
6. Be grateful. Viewing the world through the lens of gratitude has the ability to immediately transform our mood and how we relate with the world around us. So you might not have a man this year, try looking at all of the things you have to be grateful for instead:friends, family, your job, freedom, health, etc. It is much better to be happy alone than unhappy with someone else so be grateful that you’re not in a bad relationship. There is so much for you to be happy about, so take the time on this day to show your appreciation to the things in your life that truly make it fulfilling.
7. Take advantage of the chocolate sales. Speaking of looking on the bright side, chocolate is everywhere and on sale, so take advantage and indulge a little. Give yourself a hall pass and eat as much as you want without feeling guilty today. Life is all about balance and who says you need a partner to take advantage of all the chocolate that is on sale.
8. Read something inspiring. Stay in and curl up with a great book. Sometimes all it takes to feel better is to read something inspiring. Books such as Eat, Pray, Love have the power to shift one’s perspective about love and dating. The truth is sometimes it is better to be single for longer and wait for the right one to come along then jump into an unfulfilling relationship out of sheer loneliness. If you’re questioning your singledom at this time, try to refocus your mind to thoughts of the positive by reading something inspirational.
9. Throw a party for all your single friends. It is often said the best way to meet someone is through a mutual friend so have a party! Invite all of your single friends and get everyone to bring a plus one who is also single. You will no doubt have a great time and perhaps even meet someone. Either way throwing a party is a fun way to spend Valentine’s Day and appreciate that there are lots of single people out there and loving it!
10. Hang out with your family. One of the best places to receive unconditional love is from your family. As mentioned before, no one can dictate what kind of love you’re supposed to celebrate on Valentine’s Day so host a dinner party at your place for your family. Your family will serve as a great reminder to you, of how fortunate you are!
Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate all sorts of love in relationships from partners, to family, and friendships so don’t lose sight of what is important! Indulge in a little me time and show some appreciation for yourself and your loved ones. By being grateful for what you do have this Valentine’s Day, you will make it the best one yet-single or not!
She Knows. “32 ways to beat the valentine’s day blues.” Accessed January 23rd 2014. “http ://www.sheknows. com/holidays-and-seasons/articles/807292/32-ways-to-beat-the-valentine-s-day-blues