How To Put The Fun Back Into Dating!

The Travel Date

Dating on the road, whether you bring the guy with you or meet someone along the way, has its own peculiarities. Either way, you could be setting yourself up for an experience that you’ll never forget.

The man you take with you

Three months into dating the man who became my third husband, he invited me to “walk the Milford Track” with him. I had never heard of the Milford Track, which is in New Zealand. I Googled it, read about how four people died when a hut blew off a mountain pass, and said, “You want me to go where and do what?”

We flew to Christchurch via Auckland, and on to Te Anau and Fiordland National Park, where we hiked 3,000 miles up over McKinnon Pass to Milford Sound.

During that trip I learned a lot of about him. I learned to admire his sense of curiosity and adventure, how easily he was able to engage strangers in conversation, and spotted a bit of MacGyver in him. I also learned that his curious questions could lead to critical judgment.

At the airport, he lifted one of my bags and exclaimed, “What’d you pack in here, anyway, every book you own?”

I established an agreement with him that each of us would be responsible for and carry our own tickets, money, passports, and luggage.

If you don’t do this, you set yourself up for, “The blue bag? I haven’t seen it. I thought you had it,” or –along with an accusatory look—“What did you do with the passports?”

Traveling with a man tells you how he behaves when he’s in a strange environment, when he’s not in charge, when he doesn’t speak the language, when he’s lost, tired, hungry or otherwise under stress.

The man you meet along the road

The summer I traveled alone (in my late twenties) through ten European countries, I had several dates: Mats, the Swede; Wolfgang in Hamburg; Roger, the tall Brit visiting Spain; John, the student from Ithaca, NY, tent-camping through Germany; and Italian Roberto, who wanted to be sure I went back to America saying how romantic Italian men are.

When traveling, there are wonderful date destinations. Mats took me to Malmö’s Transcendental Meditation center and taught me how to meditate. Wolfgang showed me the hottest disco in Hamburg after which, with several of his friends, we crashed a public swimming pool. Roger showed me the walled castle outside of Barcelona where we walked all day and had a charming lunch. John took me to visit German’s fairytale Neuschwanstein Castle (Walt Disney’s model for the original Disneyland entrance). Roberto took me to a traditional Italian lunch (no pizza!) where I was horrified to find in my salad a fat worm; he flicked it away and kept on talking.

Saying good-bye

Here’s the big disadvantage when traveling to meeting a man who asks you for a date: if he is charming, interesting, attentive, and you are attracted to him, now what?

Unlike a souvenir, you can’t take him home, and you may never pass this way again. It can be hard to say, “Good-bye.”

With three of my European dates I corresponded, but the letters eventually stopped. While the days—and some nights!—I spent with these men were lifetime-memorable, the men themselves were in fact “geographically undesirable.” (We didn’t have the internet.)

On personal safety

Years ago you didn’t have to worry about drugs in your drinks and other dangerous things that we read about today.

But I also operated by some personal rules still apply today:

1) Meet him in a public place. There is no need to let a man you just met know where you are staying. The days when “a gentleman” picked you up at your door are long gone.

2) Travel in a “pack.” I met other single women who wanted to save money by sharing a room, so that when I went out, I was often in the company of four or five other people. A “group date” was fun and safe.

3) As for romance, I did not bring the exciting man of my dreams into my room; I went to his apartment. That way, I controlled when we would “part.” I was never in the awkward situation of wanting him to leave and not being able to get him out of my space.

Going to his apartment has another advantage: you get to see how he lives. Are there dirty dishes in the sink? Clothes scattered everywhere? Does he have a pet?

On communication

If you are traveling with a girlfriend, make an agreement in advance about how you will handle a possible date invitation. That way, your best friend isn’t suddenly offended because you want to spend the day, or evening, with a date instead of her.

I have travelled with girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, and alone. The most important things to remember with travel dates are to be honest in your communication, stay aware, don’t do anything you wouldn’t do at home, and then go have fun.

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GET OUT OF THE HOUSE ALREADY! : The Eight Fun Summer Dates You Must Try!

If you haven’t gone outside to really enjoy the gorgeous weather we have had so far this summer, then shame on you! What’s the whole point of waiting on summer if you’re not going to go outside of your house and really appreciate it, and with someone else too?

Here are a few fun summer dates you HAVE to try, if you haven’t already. And if you have, you’ll want to do it all over again!

1. Attend A Fair
The summer time is filled with so many street  fairs, county fairs, and state fairs that there’s no excuse not to attend at least one! Google something you’re interested, and I’m sure there is a street fair for it happening closer than you think. With your date, roam around and participate in the arts and crafts, taste the horribly delicious food, and play a few games. While you’re at it, if they have a ferris wheel, take a ride! You may find yourself taken back to a younger time in your life.

2. Visit a Winery
Not everyone likes wine, but if you both enjoy it Brittany Burke from Redbook* suggests finding a winery that makes wine that you’ll enjoy together. Some places even let you make your own bottle of wine to take home! This can create a memory that you both won’t forget, and a keepsake that you can enjoy on a special day!
3. Check Out a Flea Market
If you’re both early risers and have an eye for a great deal, the local flea market can be the perfect date! There you could find that record you’ve been searching for, or the perfect piece of art that you can hang in your house. Picking out items and bargaining together, you get an idea of each other’s taste. And it all can happen before noon!

4. Head to the Nearest Beach
Having the luxury of a beach near by should not be taken for granted. Ian Lang from Ask Men.com** suggests a date at the beach to spend a summer afternoon. This is the perfect place to have some fun in the sun and cool off at the same time. Cozy up together by building sand castles and applying sunscreen on each other. Pack a romantic picnic to enjoy the entire day!

5. Be a Tourist
When was the last time you saw the sights in your own city? If you had to think about it, this might be a good date to try with someone. MSN Living*** makes the suggestion of going sight seeing to save some money and find those hidden treasures you’ve been missing out on. If you make plans to go somewhere you haven’t been to in a while, going again with someone new can make it seem like the first time.

6. See an Outdoor Movie
Sitting inside a cold movie theatre for a couple of hours can get old fast, so instead attend an outdoor screening of a movie that the both of you will enjoy. Ian says, look in your local paper** or Google search a park near you for their activities schedule, they usually  have a list of what movies are being played. This is your chance to grab a blanket, some tasty snacks, and cuddle underneath the stars while you watch a great film!

7. Go Off the Grid
Sometimes all you need to do to enjoy your someone special is get away from your job, family, and friends for a little while. The perfect way to do it is camping. If you two don’t mind pitching a tent, building a fire, and dining al fresco this is a great date to try! At night you can watch the stars and a romantic sunrise in the morning. Not to mention, when you’re alone in the wilderness nothing can disturb you two but the animals.

8. Try a Little Golf
Whether you’re a golf pro, or a mini-golf pro, this is a fun date that can only really enjoyed in the summertime*. If you decide to go to a golf club, and you’re good, don’t be afraid to show him. But even if you’re not, that leaves room for romantic instruction. Mini-golf, or putt-putt,  puts a childlike spin on what could be a date full of romance. Just look out for that windmill!

So if you haven’t tried any of these dates this summer, make it your personal goal to try at least half! And even if you didn’t have fun on them, at least you can say you didn’t waste your entire summer inside!

* “30 Great Outdoor Dating Ideas for Summer” MSN Living. accessed June 17, 2014
** “ Top 10 : Summer Date Ideas” Ian Lang. Ask Men.com . accessed June 17, 2014
***“26 Hot, Sweet, Fun, and Cheap Summer Date Ideas” Brittany Burke. Redbook Mag.com. accessed June 17, 2014

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He Loves You… But Loves His Stomach More

They say that men love good food. Their relationship with food is so deep and unexplainable that it drives women crazy in the kitchen. Since the days where men would hunt for meat to give to their female friend to cook, women have known that food is very important to them.

Dare I say, even more important than blowjobs at times?

The famous quote “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” is one that women know all too well. Yet, a man’s love affair with food causes us to ask ourselves questions like: How can they not understand our chocolate cravings when we get our periods?

But unlike our cravings, a few men need someone to cook them what their stomach craves. So what should we be making if we want to reward them for good behavior?

I’ve whipped up 5 ways you can move the heat from the kitchen to the bedroom…or the kitchen counter!

Create an aphrodisiac meal together. Cooking together in the kitchen might be something you do everyday,  however try setting up somewhere exotic and make a meal to boost your libidos.

Mini tasting à deux. Arrange for each party to buy bite-sized food which will appeal to everyone consisting of an entrée, main and dessert. Then begin a rating game where you rate and review each other’s choice and let them know which tasting turns you on.

Get dirty. Try making a white cheesecake or a regular vanilla cake with lots of frosting and feed it to each other (minus the forks). Yummy in my tummy! Get gooey together and don’t forget to clean each other up afterwards (no napkins either).

Dessert bar. Who doesn’t love dessert? Create a major dessert spread on the coffee table with chocolate sundae bits, cookies, ice cream, fresh berries, and whipped cream. It will take him back to a child like happy place. But while you enjoy your sundaes, don’t forget to leave some room for the dessert where calories don’t count!

Try something new. An eater who’s been stuck in a meal rut can’t resist a surprise dinner with unusual and exotic tastes. This will help you both explore your palate and taste buds!

So we have an idea on what to make them, but what’s with their preference of having us prepare the meal? Here are a few possible reasons.

Men love women who cook

Men are always hunting for women. It’s their primal instinct.  At the end of the day if a guy had to choose between a woman who can cook and another who cannot, chances are he’ll pick the one who can cook.

According to writer and blogger Stuart McDonald**, he says there are many reasons why men choose the cook over the non-cook. He says that if a woman says she doesn’t cook that means she can’t.  Even with the modern woman crunching on time, making a full course meal on a regular basis seems like a luxury. So why do men still  love women who can cook?

  1. Men love to eat ( that will never change)
  2. Men think with their stomachs ( A hungry man is a irritable and unfocused man)
  3. Lastly, a woman who can cook reminds them of their mother. ( It always come home)

But, at the core of it all men love women who can cook because it potentially means their family or future family will be taken care of.

From the very beginning men were created to protect and provide for their families. However, before having family with a woman, he needs to make sure that she can take care of the family by providing basic necessities like food, water, and shelter. Passing this test shows love for men at an instinctual level and perpetuates that a woman’s role is in the kitchen. However, this is not necessarily true with today’s run of the mill man. But if the time came for him to choose, he would always pick a woman who can cook over one who cannot.

Male patriarchy?

We know that men love their women who can cook something up in the kitchen. However, it may be said that in some relationships men are still treating the women in their lives unfairly.

In the era of the baby boomer, men would come home hungry and would have a certain expectation to dinner being ready or almost ready. If she wasn’t home, he would wait till she got there. We rarely see this happen today.

According to a poll* in Esquire conducted last year, 14% more men cook now than they did in 1965. Personally I believe that this newfound food interest frenzied from restaurants, whole foods , and Food Network stars has created a culture. It seems that more and more men are inspired to pick up a knife and start cutting.

Now, my ladies, the game has changed.

Men are starting to help out in the kitchen. Men who cook spend 8% more time cooking now than their fathers did back then. Today, men describe themselves as “adventurous” cooks claiming that the use of their ingredients, recipes, and techniques has made them a better cook.

Masterchef explosion? Possibly.

Men are getting inspired by male TV chefs such as Jamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsay, and Nigel Slater. Forget special occasions like Christmas and Valentine’s Day because men are taking over the apron every other day of the week. There’s also this frenzy where men enjoying the shopping for new kitchen gadgets and appliances. Men are finally experimenting in the kitchen while making their wives open up the bottle of wine and fix the table.

Adding some spice in your next meal can also turn up the heat in your relationship. Next time you’re in the house together try creating and making your own memories starting in the kitchen. Not only will your man be pleasantly surprised and stuffed but chances are he’ll keep you forever!

* “Are Men The Future Of Cooking?” Elizabeth Gunnison Dunn. Esquire. accessed February 10, 2014 http ://www.esquire. com/blogs/food-for-men/men-cook-more-now-than-ever-15506451

** “The Reason Men Love Women Who Cook” Stuart Mc Donald accessed February 10, 2014 http ://www.stuartbmcdonald . com/reason-men-love-women-cook/#.Uvlw10JdVyi

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The Crime Everyone’s Dying To Commit!

Here at How To Put The Fun Back Into Dating, we don’t recommend for anyone to commit a crimes…but there is one mild criminal act that most people do commit at their own risk of indecent exposure, and that’s sex in public.

A lot of people would agree, sex is public is incredible and the risk of getting caught adds to the excitement. But there is a right way to do it, and a wrong way. If you and your partner are willing to take a walk on the wildside, here are few quick tips you should follow:

1. Make Sure You’re Alone: Be very aware of your surroundings. Make sure there’s nobody watching you and there are no children around. By not being careful is a quick way to getting caught.

2. Watch Your Noise Level: Sometimes, sex can be so great you’ll want to make a sound or two. But being too loud and careless about the level of noise you make, makes it easy for you to be noticed by others.

3. Clean Up After Yourselves: This is the golden rule. If you’re going to get busy someplace, the least you can do is be courteous to the people who may stumble upon your love nest after you’ve left. Don’t leave the area with less that you came with, it’s just gross if you don’t.

Now that you know the three simple steps in how to have safe public sex and you’re still thinking of taking that risk, you ask yourself, “where?” Here are a few places Fox News* and The Stir** had in mind and the risk level you could be taking from 1 to 5:

  • Night Club/Concert (3): Music is just one of those things that get you in the mood without even trying. If the thump of the beat or lyrics to the song get you, sneaking away to a bathroom or a secluded nook in the building is a good spot to get it on. This place is rated 3 as a hit or miss in risk, but with the loud music on your side you shouldn’t have to worry much.

  • Park Bench (4): Sitting on a bench at the park with your partner can be a romantic moment. But getting your groove on, on that bench is another story! Make sure the park is empty or very close to empty. This place is rated a 4 for  the fact of joggers, children, and police roaming the grounds.

  • The Backyard (1): If you have a backyard with or without a fence, this may be a good spot to start your public sex escapades. Having a fence, you’re at an advantage of no one seeing you, but if you don’t have a fence The Stir suggests pitching a tent. Since you’re not at a great risk of fully exposing yourself, this is rated a 1.

  • Parked Car (2): Having sex in a parked car can bring a bit of nostalgia back in your life. As long as you’re parked in a secluded area and have a big enough vehicle to satisfy each other, there’s nothing really stopping you. Just be wary of police looking out for fogged windows, and with that mild risk it’s rated a 2.

  • Elevator (5): Having some fun in an empty elevator is super tricky, but super hot! Each level you go up is another risk of the doors opening and you getting caught, not to mention the possibility of  the security camera. If you can get away with this, you deserve a medal, that’s why it’s rated a 5.

  • Public Transportation (5): Getting your kicks on public transportation is some of the hardest and most at risk places to have sex. This includes buses, and yes the infamous mile high club! With public trans, there are always cameras, there are always attendants, and there are always nosy people; not to mention the cramped spaces. Sex here can run the risk of you getting kicked off, and derailing your travel plans, so if you get away with it I applaud you! This is why it’s rated at a 5.

Having sex in a public setting is not for the shy or faint hearted. When you do decide to take your love life up that ladder, make sure it’s something that you really want to do. Don’t let your partner pressure you into it, and have fun!

*“FOXSexpert: The 20 Riskiest Places to Have Sex” Fox News. Com accessed 2/6/2014. http ://www.foxnews. com/story/2009/02/12/foxsexpert-20-riskiest-places-to-have-sex/** “25 Mind-Blowing Sex Spots You Never Thought to Try” Jamye Waxman, The Stir accessed 2/6/2014. htt p://thestir. cafemom. com/love_sex/121952/25_Mind_Blowing_Sex_Spots

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About How To Put The Fun Back Into Dating (HTPTFBID)

How To Put the Fun Back Into Dating is an invigorating and enlightening space created for the Goddess within you. We have all struggled to keep up with the ever changing dating norms and expectations. Thus, quite often we find ourselves looking at dating as a daunting and downright frightening task.

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