How To Put The Fun Back Into Dating!

Are You Living In A Movie?

Who doesn’t love a romantic film? As women, most of us are completely and utterly hooked to the genre. Everything about it, we eat it up! The struggles, the passion, the people, the setting, everything!

Sometimes when we feel sad, lonely, or just had a terrible day at the office, we’ll  gladly pop in our favorite film and it magically cheer us up.

We fantasize about what it would be like to live in some of these films, or if these situations happened to us. What would we do? How would we get our happy ending?

Well, some of us are actually living these lives and not even realizing it! Here are a few films you could be walking through, and how their solutions can be your reality.

Film # 1
You have a friend and you’ve known him for years. He knows everything about you and you call him for everything. Although the both of you have been through a few relationships, the relationship you have with each other has never changed. He’s been the most consistent man in your life and you just might be in love with him. Sound familiar?

If so, it’s because it’s When Harry Met Sally (1989).

You’re falling for your best friend and you don’t want to ruin it with romance. Well, even if it is just a film, you can definitely take something away from this. At the end, it’s all about risk. That’s what makes us love the movie.

Think to yourself; are the signs there that you have feelings for each other and have you felt this way about him for a while? Then don’t fight it anymore! Take the cue from Harry and just jump in, who knows where it may lead you.

Film #2
There was time period in your youth that you wish you could go back to. Your first love made you fall hard, and you didn’t think there would be anyone else like him. As you got older, you moved on from each other because you had different plans in life. But you never forgot about him, through the marriage and other stages of your life. He was the one that got away. Sound familiar?

If it does, it’s because it’s The Notebook (2004).

There’s nothing like a love lost and found. So if you’ve lost a love and you’re free to find him, why not do a little research? There’s no harm in it, and you can stop all the wondering and “what ifs”. Who knows, many couples have found love with each other a second time around past the divorces and children.

If years have gone by and you do find each other, don’t be afraid to fall in love all over again.

Film #3
So you met a guy who you think is completely out of your league. He’s dashing, wealthy, and is willing to show you everything life has to offer. You go along with the idea of dating him, but it’s understood between you two that this is not a serious relationship. But through the parties, clothes, and great sex, you find yourself really caring for this guy and maybe he for you. Sound familiar?

If so, it’s because it’s Pretty Woman (1990).

Now, if this is the life you’re living by no means consider yourself a prostitute. You’ve spent your time and attention with this guy because you generally wanted to, not because you’re getting paid!

Although in the end Richard Gere’s character comes after Julia Roberts, it’s what Julia’s character does throughout the movie that creates this ending. She was loyal to him, loyal to herself, and didn’t let anyone step all over her. Playing by your rules, and being yourself throughout with lead to a win!

Film # 4
You’re a career woman whose job has sort of become the love of her life. You’re a little self conscious and your dating well has been a little dry, but from nowhere you find yourself in a complicated situation. You’re in love with two different guys. One of them is so charming you can’t resist and the other is so sweet you can’t let him go. Sound familiar?

If it does, is because it’s Bridget Jones Diary (2001).

You really like two guys and find yourself in this pickle you think you can never find your way out of. But like in the movie, ultimately you have to choose.

Just like Bridget, it does take a little bit of time and contemplating, but take her cue and choose what is best for your life. If you want stability and a real commitment, Colin Firth’s character type is your best bet!

Film #5
You’ve met someone. He’s nice, smart, funny, and you have a real connection. The problem is you haven’t met him face to face. The friendship  you have is strictly digital and you both are fine with it. You don’t know each others real names, jobs, or any specific details about each other, and that keeps up the attraction to mystery. You have a deep emotional connection to this this guy and has become one of your go-to people for advice or just someone to talk to. Sound familiar?

If it does, it’s because you’re life is the basis off of You’ve Got Mail (1998) - another Meg Ryan film.

Yes, even though they had a good thing going for a while, eventually had to meet each other and coincidentally it turned out that they met before. Who knew, it could happen to you!

But meeting each other will give you guys a chance to see if it could be something more. If you live in the same city and don’t mind it, i don’t see the problem!

*    *    *

So next time you sit in front of your favorite film, and fawn all over the movie with a snack in your lap, think about your own life. Are you watching a reflection of yourself with the solution to your problem under your nose or are you just trying to escape it for a while?

Whichever it may be, watch closely and you may learn a thing or two.

“50 Greatest Romantic Films” AMC TV Filmsite. accessed Feb 28, 2014. http ://movies.amctv. com/movie-guide/50-greatest-romantic-movies/

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Why Do We Get Married?

When we hear the word “marriage”,  some of us cringe as if we heard nails on the chalkboard, and some of us sigh with romantic bliss. We either crave it or detest it for all that it’s worth, but none the less we’re a little bit obsessed over it.

In the Freakonomics Radio podcast , Why Marry, host Stephen Dubner talks with University of Michigan and Brookings Institute economist Justin Wolfers on the myths of marriage and looks into the factors of why we get married at all.

1. Historical Reasons

You have to take into consideration of all the historical reasons of why people got married, other than love,  and how they add to our reasons for marriage today. Reasons such as:

  • To have children
  • To have sex
  • Religion
  • Finances
  • Tradition

Most of these things were tied to people’s reasons for marriage when Freakonomics Radio talked to people in New York City, Atlanta, Minneapolis, and San Francisco.

But if you think about it, all of them are tied to social expectation.

We don’t always expect for people to have children if they aren’t married, and when we come from a family of married people, most of the time it’s expected of us to do the same. As much as we don’t like to think so, our surroundings and society shape the way in which we live our lives.. That means deciding when or when not to commit to marriage.

That brings us to the second reason.

2. Society Has Changed

Yes there are the historical reasons, but our society has changed in that we don’t need to rely on those factors for marriage anymore. According to Justin, we have moved from the idea that marriage creates “productive complementarities” that the 1950s and early 60s were all about.

At that time, the husband left the house to work and the wife did her work within the house.Just like in Leave It To Beaver. That idea comes from what Justin referenced as economist Gary Becker’s idea that marriage is like a factory, where you can do more together than if you were apart. If you think of it that way, marriage is a productive line of work.

But now we live in the idea of what Justin calls, “consumption complementarities”, where we have more opportunities, time, and money to spread around. So, now all we want is someone to share it with. It’s no good when you’re alone. Instead of looking for differentiating qualities in a spouse ( they’re able to do things we can’t for us), we’re looking for similarities.

We want someone who shares our passions and interest, and that potentially sets up a marriage built to last.

3. We Get Wiser

Today, you look at a couple where the girl is 20 and the boy is 22 and your first  thought is, “Young love, it probably won’t last”. But about 60 years ago, they were probably newlyweds. Which means they have done all their dating in their teens and, they were ready to settle down and have children by early 20s. That’s when most of us were just getting hang of the dating game!

Talking to my ninety-four year old great-grandmother, when my twenty-third birthday rolled around, she started to lay the heavy conversation on me about finding a boyfriend. She was completely shocked to find me a single woman reaching my mid-twenties. When she was my age, she was already married with a couple of children under belt. I can’t even fathom the idea.

According to the Hartford, Connecticut economist Claudia Golden, one of the two big changes in marriage is that we marry late. The median age for marriage is 27 for women and 29 for men. That’s a seven year increase !

When we’re older people, we’ve had a chance to experience life, go through the crappy relationships that we learn from, build a career, and figure out what we really want for ourselves. By then we know what we like and what we don’t. This creates a drop in the divorce rate by marrying later in life, among other factors.

Although these are some reasons as to why we sign our lives away to someone else, or even make a commitment to being in an long term relationship. They’re not all of them. Sometimes, love is just the answer. Yeah, that was cheesy. But for a lot of us wandering souls, that’s all we kind of want. To have someone to love us as much as we love them and know that they will always be there.

So whether you decide to get married or you don’t, make sure it’s for your right reasons and that it turns out to be worth it for you in the end.

“Why Marry Part 1. Freakonomics Radio. February 13, 2014. accessed February 14, 2014. http ://www.wnyc. org/story/why-marry-part-1/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+freakonomicsradio+%28Freakonomics+Radio%29&utm_content=FeedBurner

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Are You A Dating Bigot?

When it comes to dating, every woman has standards. He has to be kind, he has to be funny, and he has to have a great smile. What woman wouldn’t want a man with those attributes?  Now, lets say I found you a man with those qualities, but he’s a sanitation worker.

Would you date him now?

Sadly one of our biggest downfalls in dating is being a dating bigot. That’s right! You accept other’s jobs and their socioeconomic status’ for other relationships, just not for yours. You would rather be single than to date someone that doesn’t have a college degree, doesn’t make as much money as you, or has a dirty job (like sanitation).

We all either know someone who is like that or we are like that ourselves. Unfortunately, this rift is causing a prejudice in dating. Now, you’re probably thinking, it’s been like this for centuries. Our society has had a prejudice is the forming of relationships as far back the as caste system.

But hello, the year is 2014.

Ladies, we are entrepreneurs, CEOs, public figures, and virtually running the world. Who says we have to limit our dating lives to such an old social practice? By limiting your dating you’re limiting your chances on finding love.

Here are few things we tend to be prejudice about when it comes to dating, and why I strongly suggest that you reconsider.

1. He Doesn’t Have A Degree
This is one of the main reasons a lot of us are missing out on a great man. Just because we have degree, we automatically want someone on the same level academically. But the truth is, you don’t need a degree to be rich or an intellectual. Surprisingly, most millionaires and billionaires are drop outs.

According to Paul Hudson from  Elite Daily.Com, Oscar winning director James Cameron, founder of Kodak George Eastman, and Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak don’t have college degrees. All these men are highly intelligent and super rich. Now think of who you could be missing out on?

2. He Has A Dirty or Blue Collar Job.
For some reason, a lot of us like to turn our noses up at the idea of dating a plumber, a sanitation worker, or a mason. Our society has the habit of praising elitist jobs  like lawyers, doctors, and investment bankers.

But what we don’t realize in there is a low percentage of of those type of men (who are single) in every city. But there is no shortage of police officers, firemen, cable men, mechanics, or sanitation workers.

Plus, the guys who work these kind of jobs are usually good with their hands. Wink, wink.

3. He Makes Less Money Than You
So you want a man that makes equal or more money than you do. Well, if you’re at the top of your career, there’s a slim chance of you finding a single someone who is on your level. The higher up you climb the ladder and the more money you make, the less options of men you’ll have sticking to this rule.

The staff of Hello Beautiful think that dating someone on the same socioeconomic level is important, because it gives men the chance to be providers.

Well, by not being on the same socioeconomic level, doesn’t mean you’re taking that chance away from him. If he wants to pay for dinner, let him. If he wants to buy you something nice, let him. It’s only when you make a big deal about money that it becomes a big deal.

4. He Has Children
Now, if you’re dating a man of a certain age it’s not uncommon for him to already have kids. But if you meet a great guy at the bar and it turns out that he does have children, don’t turn him away so quickly. Most guys who have kids have qualities that some men don’t, such as patience, kindness, and compassion.

If you don’t like children, nobody says you have to be serious with this man.

Chances are, if you’re just a casual date he won’t bring you around his children. It’s only when you walk down the path to a serious commitment  that you will be introduced. And if you were introduced at an early time, feel good because he thinks you would be a great person to have around them.

So the next time you meet someone who is in one or a few of these situations, don’t count him out so soon. This guy could be the one you’ve been looking for this whole time, you just couldn’t see him with your nose so high in the air.

“100 Top Entrepreneurs Who Succeeded Without A College Degree” Paul Hudson. Elite accessed Feb 21, 2014 http ://elitedaily. com/news/business/100-top-entrepreneurs-succeeded-college-degree/

“Is It Important For Your Mate To Come From A Similar Socioeconomic Background?” Hello Beautiful Staff. Hello Beautiful .com. accessed Feb 21, 2014 http ://hellobeautiful. com/2011/04/23/socio-economic-background/

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He Loves You… But Loves His Stomach More

They say that men love good food. Their relationship with food is so deep and unexplainable that it drives women crazy in the kitchen. Since the days where men would hunt for meat to give to their female friend to cook, women have known that food is very important to them.

Dare I say, even more important than blowjobs at times?

The famous quote “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” is one that women know all too well. Yet, a man’s love affair with food causes us to ask ourselves questions like: How can they not understand our chocolate cravings when we get our periods?

But unlike our cravings, a few men need someone to cook them what their stomach craves. So what should we be making if we want to reward them for good behavior?

I’ve whipped up 5 ways you can move the heat from the kitchen to the bedroom…or the kitchen counter!

Create an aphrodisiac meal together. Cooking together in the kitchen might be something you do everyday,  however try setting up somewhere exotic and make a meal to boost your libidos.

Mini tasting à deux. Arrange for each party to buy bite-sized food which will appeal to everyone consisting of an entrée, main and dessert. Then begin a rating game where you rate and review each other’s choice and let them know which tasting turns you on.

Get dirty. Try making a white cheesecake or a regular vanilla cake with lots of frosting and feed it to each other (minus the forks). Yummy in my tummy! Get gooey together and don’t forget to clean each other up afterwards (no napkins either).

Dessert bar. Who doesn’t love dessert? Create a major dessert spread on the coffee table with chocolate sundae bits, cookies, ice cream, fresh berries, and whipped cream. It will take him back to a child like happy place. But while you enjoy your sundaes, don’t forget to leave some room for the dessert where calories don’t count!

Try something new. An eater who’s been stuck in a meal rut can’t resist a surprise dinner with unusual and exotic tastes. This will help you both explore your palate and taste buds!

So we have an idea on what to make them, but what’s with their preference of having us prepare the meal? Here are a few possible reasons.

Men love women who cook

Men are always hunting for women. It’s their primal instinct.  At the end of the day if a guy had to choose between a woman who can cook and another who cannot, chances are he’ll pick the one who can cook.

According to writer and blogger Stuart McDonald**, he says there are many reasons why men choose the cook over the non-cook. He says that if a woman says she doesn’t cook that means she can’t.  Even with the modern woman crunching on time, making a full course meal on a regular basis seems like a luxury. So why do men still  love women who can cook?

  1. Men love to eat ( that will never change)
  2. Men think with their stomachs ( A hungry man is a irritable and unfocused man)
  3. Lastly, a woman who can cook reminds them of their mother. ( It always come home)

But, at the core of it all men love women who can cook because it potentially means their family or future family will be taken care of.

From the very beginning men were created to protect and provide for their families. However, before having family with a woman, he needs to make sure that she can take care of the family by providing basic necessities like food, water, and shelter. Passing this test shows love for men at an instinctual level and perpetuates that a woman’s role is in the kitchen. However, this is not necessarily true with today’s run of the mill man. But if the time came for him to choose, he would always pick a woman who can cook over one who cannot.

Male patriarchy?

We know that men love their women who can cook something up in the kitchen. However, it may be said that in some relationships men are still treating the women in their lives unfairly.

In the era of the baby boomer, men would come home hungry and would have a certain expectation to dinner being ready or almost ready. If she wasn’t home, he would wait till she got there. We rarely see this happen today.

According to a poll* in Esquire conducted last year, 14% more men cook now than they did in 1965. Personally I believe that this newfound food interest frenzied from restaurants, whole foods , and Food Network stars has created a culture. It seems that more and more men are inspired to pick up a knife and start cutting.

Now, my ladies, the game has changed.

Men are starting to help out in the kitchen. Men who cook spend 8% more time cooking now than their fathers did back then. Today, men describe themselves as “adventurous” cooks claiming that the use of their ingredients, recipes, and techniques has made them a better cook.

Masterchef explosion? Possibly.

Men are getting inspired by male TV chefs such as Jamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsay, and Nigel Slater. Forget special occasions like Christmas and Valentine’s Day because men are taking over the apron every other day of the week. There’s also this frenzy where men enjoying the shopping for new kitchen gadgets and appliances. Men are finally experimenting in the kitchen while making their wives open up the bottle of wine and fix the table.

Adding some spice in your next meal can also turn up the heat in your relationship. Next time you’re in the house together try creating and making your own memories starting in the kitchen. Not only will your man be pleasantly surprised and stuffed but chances are he’ll keep you forever!

* “Are Men The Future Of Cooking?” Elizabeth Gunnison Dunn. Esquire. accessed February 10, 2014 http ://www.esquire. com/blogs/food-for-men/men-cook-more-now-than-ever-15506451

** “The Reason Men Love Women Who Cook” Stuart Mc Donald accessed February 10, 2014 http ://www.stuartbmcdonald . com/reason-men-love-women-cook/#.Uvlw10JdVyi

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About How To Put The Fun Back Into Dating (HTPTFBID)

How To Put the Fun Back Into Dating is an invigorating and enlightening space created for the Goddess within you. We have all struggled to keep up with the ever changing dating norms and expectations. Thus, quite often we find ourselves looking at dating as a daunting and downright frightening task.

That’s where we come in, to transform the way you view dating and inevitably transform your life. We will guide you through all of your questions and doubts, whilst providing you with information that will empower you and give you back that sparkle to attract and keep the man of your dreams.

It is never too late to reclaim your life, and alter your love life to give you the exciting, fun, passionate love life you deserve.

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