Do you want to be happy? If you’re like most people, you do, and you read every article you come across that promises the easiest, best, most effective way to find happiness, and provides an exact recipe or template that will work for everyone.
The truth, darling, is that there is no cookie-cutter approach to finding happiness because each of us in this world is unique. Likewise, there is no overnight success formula to improve our relationships, and there’s no magic pill that, when taken, will give us the power to shed the masks we wear in order to seem perfect.
What I’m trying to say, darling, is that the key to becoming the amazing creatures we were born to be doesn’t come from a bottle, even though so many of us wish that it did.
Here’s a piece of my story:
From the outside, most people believed my marriage was picture perfect. We had the house, the two beautiful kids (even if they were rowdy, they were smart), and a big beautiful show dog. I was thinner than I had been in a decade and my (then) husband had recently lost 200 pounds. We worked, went to the gym, and celebrated the birthdays of our (gym) friends over lunch. In truth, the only time we really spent together was midnight to 6 am while we slept. And trust me, no matter how much I begged, there was no sex or any level of affection.
In addition to counting every calorie that passed over my lips, I constantly did everything I could to numb the ache of loneliness and the gut knowledge that I wasn’t on the right path. I drank more calories than I ate in a typical day and thrived on the only excitement in my life: work.
I SPENT MOST OF MY ENERGY WALKING ON EGGSHELLS AND TRYING TO AVOID MIRRORS.
Being a mother was harder than I imagined and my husband regularly told me what a shitty job I was doing because the girls weren’t being served gourmet meals in a spotless house. I was also a failure at being a mother because the girls didn’t get perfect conduct grades, which obviously was a reflection of their terrible fate at having me as their mother.
In the few quiet moments between the kids going to bed and the time he got home, I got tiny inklings of a voice that told me that I deserved a different life.
THAT I WAS WORTH BEING LOVED. THAT I DESERVED TO BE HAPPY. THAT THERE WAS MORE TO LIFE THAN THIS.
Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I began a ten-year personal journey that began with one decision: I chose to stop going through the motions of a “perfect” life, and take control of who I really was, and what I wanted to create in the world.
As I made the transformation from Unhappy Wife, to Divorcee in Flux, to the person I am today, I learned that I didn’t have to be perfect in order to live a life that I loved. I learned how to see the beauty in everyday living, and not just exist, but really thrive.
I LEARNED THAT NOT ONLY DO I – AS ALL WOMEN DO – HAVE AN INNER SEX KITTEN, BUT THAT SHE HAS A MIGHTY ROAR.
I also learned that I wanted to help other women facilitate their own journeys, their own transformations. I knew it had to include universal truths, but also allow for the vagaries of life and human nature. It was a tall order – a scary goal – to create this sort of offering to the world, but I knew it was possible.
I KNEW IT, BECAUSE I HAD LIVED IT.
Little by little, life shifted. I would take a couple of baby steps in the direction that my heart called and often a step back. I began to learn that I didn’t have to live by the rules of others if it didn’t sit well within my own soul.
Today, I live with my partner JB in our home in Ohio. We have a lovely little life that’s supportive and nurturing. I am certainly loved and always desired. I am always learning new things and growing more and more into who I am meant to be in this world. To be totally honest: when I was a little girl and imagined what being a grown-up was like? This daily life is better than those dreams.
My daughters each are following their path and if there’s one thing I’ve learned about motherhood, I know I’ve succeeded. My daughters are independent, strong willed, and have created lives that suit them. They are also brave, funny, and love their lives.
I went from being a miserable bitch and feeling like I was this dumpy discarded person that no one wanted into the best version of what I dreamed I could be. A woman that is confident in her own skin. A woman that is joyful and happy. A woman that knows that life will continue to get better.
I unleashed my inner sex kitten to discover the person I was born to be. A bright and shiny woman deserving of being loved, belonging, and worth her own love and affection.
“So, you like that title, huh? That’s great, because we are jumping right into a gulp of SELF PLEASURE. I can’t go very long without having sex. What can I say…I like it, I want it, and darn it, if I can’t get it from my man then it’s up to me. I’m not going to deny myself one of the greatest gifts God gave us by ignoring or acting like I don’t have a clitoris’’ ~ Dr. Gayle Joplin Hall.
I’ve never understood why women in their 20’s and 30’s talk about sex so habitually. Girls show off their bodies, flaunt themselves, and text not only their boyfriends, but also their girlfriends, photos of nude and semi-nude selfies. Is it a question of grace, dignity, or wisdom that for us in our 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s, we don’t necessarily sext our men? Perhaps I’m the only female not sexting, but from the talk I hear, no, I’m in the majority rule.
How long has it been since you’ve met a friend for drinks in a hotel bar? I bet for most of you that it hasn’t been that long ago. Next time you are enjoying conversation, stop for a moment and notice the women wearing the push-up bras and 5’’ high-heel shoes. Feeling and being sexy is not just for 30-year-olds. Heck, we could teach them a thing or two! Don’t save your sexy undergarments for your bedroom. Wear them under your business dress. This is a quick way to start helping you feel and look sexy all day long.
So, what happens if you’re not having sex and you want it? Not everyone has or wants a partner. Many times, health issues disrupt active sex as a couple. That’s why it is so important to learn, know, and trust yourself with your own body. If you never experimented before, the good news is that it’s not too late.
Learn Self Pleasure. Here are five tips to help relax you, rejuvenate your senses, and prepare your Va-J-J for an orgasm. Here comes Self Pleasure!
If you don’t own a vibrator, it’s time to go shopping. Don’t be embarrassed to go into a sex-toy shop by yourself to purchase one. You are not the only woman who has ever shopped for a vibrator or dildo. Be sure to buy one that is waterproof so you can play with it in the bath.
Make time for yourself and be sure you are clocked out. Don’t be on ANYONE’S schedule. You may need an hour or two and then a good nap afterward, so do not watch a clock and be certain you are alone.
Light some fragrant candles, put on some music you love, pour yourself a glass of wine, and take a relaxing lavender scented bubble bath. Get yourself in the mood for sex and play. You don’t need a partner to have fun. Your vibrator is easy to experiment with in a nice, heated bathtub. Test it out on several speeds. Now, take that vibrator and massage yourself on your lovely Va-J-J, then work your way back up to your clitoris. Uh, huh, doesn’t that feel good? Do not rush. Take your time!
Some women prefer to use their fingers while they are also using a vibrator. Others prefer to play with a dildo at the same time. Keep your stash of sex-toys handy so you can use them when you are in the mood.
Don’t forget about the shower massage. This is a Johnny-Wonder for me. I love it and use it frequently. Again, play with it and get the correct pulsations going for your Va-J-J, then just relax. I scream in the shower!
There is nothing sexier than a woman who loves her own body and isn’t afraid to share it with another. Once you explore, play, and master the act of masturbation, your partners will thank you. I learned how to have multiple orgasms on my own…not with a partner. You will be so glad when you start screaming, ‘’Thank you, thank you, thank you!’’ at the top of your lungs after your fifth or sixth consecutive orgasm. You’d best warn the neighbors that it’s your night for fun…or keep the windows closed.
©Copyright – Gayle Joplin Hall, PhD. All rights reserved worldwide. None of this material may be downloaded or reproduced without written permission from the author.
In all of my years of dating, and lack of, I’ve heard advice from the mouths of countless friends and family on what the “rules” are. They riddle off advice on what’s acceptable and what isn’t like it was sent from heaven and cast into stone for all to read.
“No kissing on the first date.”
“Don’t text him back right away.”
“Wait at least three months before you sleep with him.”
Among ten million other “rules” to keep in my back pocket when I go out with a guy.
But taking in their mounds of advice, it makes me wonder where they got the advice to begin with? What made them use these guidelines for their own dating lives , and how sure are they to know it would work for me?
Here are few things I’ve learned from being swamped by do’s and don’ts and how to liberate yourself from the dating rule woes!
1. Wait Till You’re Comfortable
Some of us don’t mind sending our beau’s nudie pictures via text or talking dirty in the bedroom. But some of us just aren’t comfortable with it, and that’s totally fine. Sure dating puts you outside of your comfort zone, and sometimes that can be a good thing. But if you’re just not ready to be pushed there or willing to do that, nobody says you have to. You’re a grown woman! Make that decision on your own.
2. Order Once or Try The Buffet
One of the most mixed up bits of advice is, do you date one guy at a time or do you date multiple? I say do what you can handle. If you’re comfortable with giving only one guy attention, do just that. Buy focusing on your one guy, you’re able to devote all your time to him and can work to see the relationship become a success.
But if you can handle dating many men at the same time, more power to you! When you go the buffet, do people ever say you can only try one item? Heck no! Try them all! It can be the ever changing and fun dating experience you’ve always wanted. Plus it shortens time on narrowing down the duds from the good eggs. Rock on!
3. Trial and Error
Just like all great scientist, trial and error is your best friend too! If you’ve been engulfed in advice just like I have, the best way to find out what works for you is just to try it out and see if it works for the relationship you’re in. Not every tip fits the relationship. Some guys like it when you dote on them, and others don’t. Guys are like snowflakes, same molecular makeup, but different designs. All you have to do is match the design with the right suggestion.
4. Be Aware Of Your Actions
Now, just as you make up your own dating rules along the way, you have to be aware of your personal actions. Everything do you in your relationships have some kind of consequence to it, be it positive or negative. Just as you procured your rules through trial and error, you must think of yourself and how you see the future of the relationship(s) by what you say or do.
5. Do What You Want To Do
A lot of the guidance we get from people comes from a place of “No”. I’m sure you’ve heard “Don’t do this” and “Don’t do that”, more times than you would have liked from friends and family. But what it really boils down to is, what do you want to do? If you want to sleep with a guy on the first date, by all means do so. It’s your body! Nobody should hold you back from doing anything you want to do in your life. Period.
As a grown women, I don’t see the point of following a set of rules that don’t work for for you. It’s not productive and it only gets you frustrated in the end, which will get you nowhere. The dating world is only what you make it out to be! So stop following the herd and make your own dating path!
One of the most common obstacles to a peaceful and happy relationship is the type of man a woman chooses.
Unfortunately, like myself, 80 percent of women who I have interviewed and coached are attracted to the type of man their mothers warned them about: the “Bad Boy.”
There are many reasons why this is so, such as:
“He really doesn’t want to be bad. I know I can change him.” WRONG!
“He didn’t mean to hit me. It was all my fault. I pushed his buttons.” WRONG!
And then there’s the most common one: “Nice guys bore me. Bad boys excite me.”WRONG again!
Although this is the most common reason and why I also was attracted to this type of man, this is so WRONG!
For over a decade I have been coaching women on how to break this dysfunctional pattern. It’s not easy because the BAD BOY does excite a woman and keeps her on her toes.
There are many different types of a BAD BOY. Today we will talk about THE NARCISSIST.
As Carly Simon sang, “You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht.” The song is called “You’re So Vain,” and to this day it’s unclear if the song was about singer Mick Jagger or actor Warren Beatty. (Both were lovers of Carly’s.)
Mick was so ugly that he was HOT! And Warren was simply gorgeous. Both of these men were narcissists.
A narcissist is a person who has a pattern of traits and behaviors that signify infatuation and obsession with himself to the exclusion of others. Although Mr. Jagger is far from a “sight for sore eyes,” he exudes sexiness and charisma, in a narcissistic way.
But remember, girls… If you’re dating a narcissist, “Mr. I-Love-Myself” will never truly love you, for he can only love himself. A narcissist is a man who believes that he is God’s greatest gift to women. In fact, narcissism was first described in psychiatric literature as “the God Complex.”
This is because, in his eyes:
So ladies, if this sounds like the man you’re involved with, it’s better to “kick him to the curb” now. “Mr. Ego” will never put you first or treat you with the respect you deserve.