When I think of relationship success, I think every woman who is dating should consider putting men into the friend zone first. All too often, early relationship success is measured on whether or not there is intense chemistry. However, when you think of the happiest couples, most cite friendship as the number-one reason for their joy and success.
So why aren’t more women putting men in the friend zone first?
Let me explain what I mean. I was thinking of my Facebook friend Dr. Pat Allen, who says, “Friendship ceases after the first lay.” Does that mean once you have sex, there is no friendship? What I think she means is that if you have sex before building a foundation of friendship first, your foundation is built on the weakest link, being sexual chemistry.
Chemistry, in the early stages of dating, is often brain chemicals running amok. Chemicals like testosterone, dopamine, or even oxytocin are the contributing factors to a feel-good connection when we meet someone new. When these chemicals wear off, what we are left with when no friendship has been developed is a whole lot of nothing. If there is physical attraction for one another, spending time in the friend zone – getting to know each other to determine mutual likes and compatibility – might serve you better than jumping into bed with someone you hardly know.
When a client comes to me frustrated over a guy she’s been dating who has reached a standstill or is even going backwards, one of my first few questions is, “Are you good friends? How’s the friendship?” In addition, I ask, “Could you see yourself married to this man for 35 years or more?” If the first answer is “No” and the follow-up is “No,” my response is, “Why do you want this man?” And the answer is always: “Well, we have chemistry and great sex.”
Here’s my take: fleeting chemistry and occasional sex rarely turn into a long-lasting relationship. If you haven’t developed a good solid friendship, there’s no glue to hold the relationship together when bumps and storms hit. And let me say, every relationship is going to have problems, and often it’s the friendship that holds it together, not great chemistry. Friendship and partnership are what endure for a lifetime.
Most happy couples I’ve interviewed said that a strong friendship attracted them initially and keeps the relationship alive and kicking. So by considering a new potential partner as a friend first (hence putting him the friend zone) and developing that along with the romance, the chances for relationship success are much greater.
ALERT! ALERT! ALERT!
What if I told you there was an exercise plan that works your whole body, burns calories fast, and is so much fun you’ll want to do it every day? Would you give it a try? Chances are, you already have!
So what is it? SEX!
That’s right! Sex is not just a time for passion and pleasure, but it also works over 600 muscles at the same time*! Does the elliptical machine at your gym do all of that? I doubt it.
Here are a few “sexercises” recommended by sex expert Charlotte Pool at WeWomen. com** to work out right in your bed!
1. Work Your Core From Behind
According to Charlotte, doggie-style is a great way to engage your core. By keeping your middle tight and supporting your upper body with your arms, watch washboard abs form in no time!
2. Participate In Hotter Yoga
This type of yoga requires little to no clothes for maximum results! The bridge position works your arms and back for strength and flexibility during your sexual encounter.
3. Do A Few Sexy Squats
When you do regular squats, I’m sure you feel the burn. But with these, you’ll only feel bliss! Try the reverse cowgirl position. Charlotte says it works your glutes and calves, and requires lots of squat endurance!
4. Stand Up
Having sex while standing is a great endurance workout that is more fun than it sounds. Whether he’s holding you up with your back against the wall, or you have one foot on the bed, this works both of your core muscles!
According to FitnessFondue. com* , just 30 minutes of sex can burn 85 to 250 calories! So don’t feel bad about that candy bar you ate. But remember, you don’t have to take your clothes off to burn calories in a sexy way.
Here are a few activities that you may already do on a regular basis without knowing you were exercising from Women’s Day. com***.
1. Dancing Romantically: 103 calories per half-hour
2. Making Out: 238 calories per half-hour
3. Massaging: 80+ calories per half-hour
4. Undressing: 8+ calories
So the next time you think you don’t have time for a quick workout, make time!
* “Sexercise: Fit Tips.” FitnessFondue. com accessed April 2, 2014
** “How to turn sex into sexercise: 9 ways to sex yourself into shape” WeWomen. com accessed April 2, 2014
*** “8 Sexy Ways to Burn Calories” WomensDay. com accessed April 2, 2014
The air is filled with the sweetness of blooming flowers, the sun shines a little longer each day, and the remnants of winter are melting away. Spring is finally upon us! Not only does this mean happier, warmer days ahead, but it also means a new wardrobe. WIth every new season comes an opportunity to revamp your closet and add some new staple pieces that will take you all the way through to the next one.
There are a number of new items that are a must-have in your wardrobe this spring! The fashion experts at Glamour Magazine are offering up the top ten essentials for Spring 2014. Ready, set, shop!
1. Activewear Dresses.
This year, a lot of attention is being paid to sporty dresses that are flattering and a perfect fit for your spring daytime events. Find a dress that works for your body type, but ideally this trend encourages dresses that are tight on top with a full and flirty skirt and high neckline. In other words, a sporty A-line dress.
2. Pointy White Pumps.
A pointy white pump is an ideal way to dress up any spring outfit when going out. Given that the colours that are in this spring are pretty and pale, a classic black pump would be too overpowering. So invest in a white, pointy pump and it will make any outfit look complete.
3. Cropped Boyfriend Jeans.
For a casual spring look that can be dressed up or down, invest in a pair of slim but slouchy boyfriend jeans. Find a style that is cropped at your ankles, rather than rolled at the bottom. For a more dressy look, add a pair of heels and a blazer. Or if you’re opting to look more casual, try pairing them with sandals and a bohemian-style top or a simple tank.
4. Cross-over Tank Tops.
This spring, instead of throwing on your usual tee with jeans for a relaxed Sunday look, try replacing it with the newest trend: cross-over tank tops. When simplicity meets boho, this is the look you get. The beauty of this type of top is that it is also dressy enough to pair with a skirt or trousers for the office.
5. Strappy Block Heels.
One of the essential pieces for spring that can be effortlessly paired with virtually any look is a pair of block heels.
6. Skirts With A Split.
Skirts with a front or side split are one of the sexiest trends this season. The variety of different lengths and volumes available makes it incredibly easy to find one that works for you and your body. For a date night, try pairing a split skirt with a simple tank top and a bright lip.
7. Round-shoulder Coats.
The trendiest lightweight spring coat is a round-shouldered one in a bold colour or pattern. It’s flattering and easy to pair with just about anything for those chilly spring nights.
8. iPad-Sized Bags.
The newest go-to look for modern day trendsetters is a bold bag the size of an iPad. Whether you have an iPad or not, it doesn’t matter, as long as you pick up this convenient and compact bag in a bold colour to complete your look. The experts atGlamour also suggest pairing this bag with slightly more romantic pieces, such as ruffled tops or flirty skirts.
9. Bold Striped Button-down Shirt.
Bold stripes are a huge trend this spring that is extremely wearable with a number of different looks. Choose a bold stripe in a simple colour to stay true to this year’s spring trend. The fashion experts at Glamour recommend pairing it with a “beaded skirt and strappy heels” to have fun with the trend and play with opposites.
10. Shorts Suits.
Every fashionista should add a shorts suit to her wardrobe as a staple piece. Buy a shorts suit in bright colours and bold patterns and pair it with strappy heels for work, or if it’s not work-appropriate attire for you, it will look just as a great on a girls’ day out. Weekend looks just got a little bit sexier!
Spring 2014 brings with it fun and flirty colours and patterns that any woman can have fun with and pull off. So print out your list and head to the shops to complete your wardrobe this season. Happy shopping!
“10 Must-Have Pieces to Add to Your Spring Wardrobe” Megan Gustashaw. Glamour.com accessed March 31, 2014. http ://www.glamour. com/fashion/2013/03/must-have-pieces-to-add-to-your-spring-wardrobe#slide=46
“Spring Fashion Trends 2009” InStyle.com accessed March 31, 2014 http ://www.instyle .com/instyle/package/springtrends/photos/0,,20256313_20255713_20572502,00.html
Are you one of those people who thinks you could never be in a long-distance relationship?
You can’t possibly imagine what it’s like being away from your partner and not be able to hold them in your arms, see their smile when you tell them a joke, or give them a kiss at night.
Long-distance relationships (LDRs) are not for the fragile, but with the power of Skype, more and more couples are able to keep that bond strong miles and miles apart! Here are a few ways that Skype can improve a relationship.
1. A Heightened Sense of Intimacy
Just because you’re not physically with each other doesn’t mean you have to lose all the intimacy. According to the Huffington Post’s Catherine Pearson, research done by the City University of Hong Kong has shown that absence does make the heart grow fonder. The research also shows that long-distance lovers “tend to idealize their partner’s behaviors, leading to a greater sense of intimacy.”
2. Speaking Face to Face
This is one of the biggest perks of Skype in an LDR. In relationships past, the phone was all they had. In relationships farther apart, a sweet love letter was all you could go by, and imagination took over from there. Without seeing your loved one face to face, it was harder to imagine that the relationship you had was real, creating even more distance between the two of you.
Now, with Skype, it’s like you’re right in front of each other. According to LAPTOP Staff Writer Cherlynn Low, a survey of American and British Skype users found that 96% of long-distance couples find Skype “makes for a closer connection with their far-away partners.”
You can watch movies together, eat together, and even have Skype sex via a microphone and webcam. It’s like they never even left.
3. Your Loved One Never Has To Miss A Thing!
Telling each other about what you experienced that day is great, but to experience it with them, without them physically there, is much more amazing. Many times work has divided relationships across countries and continents.
Without Skype, people wouldn’t be able to experience important moments, like the birth of a child, the announcement of pregnancy, or even a proposal while they are away.
Army wife Nicole Robbins went into labor while her army specialist husband was away on his nine-month tour in Afghanistan, according to Skype’s Big Blog. Without the power and luxury of Skype, Nicole’s husband might have missed the birth of his daughter. Not only was he able to hear about the birth of his daughter, he can say he saw it too. That’s something both Nicole and her husband will never forget!
* * *
If you are seriously considering an LDR, you should know that you need to treat it like any other relationship. Since communication is the most important factor in holding it together, having clear and open communication with each other will help make and keep a strong connection. As long as you make the time to give your undivided attention to the person in front of you, you’ll have a relationship anyone would be proud of!
“Long Distance Relationship Benefits Include Greater Intimacy, Study Says” Catherine Pearson. Huffington Post. accessed March 24, 2014 http ://www.huffingtonpost. com/2013/07/18/long-distance-relationship-benefits_n_3616839.html
“Naughty Skype Calls Keep Long Distance Relationships Alive” Cherlynn Low. Yahoo News. accessed March 24, 2014 http ://news.yahoo. com/naughty-skype-calls-keep-long-182957222.html
“Skype Thanks Military Families” Big Blog. accessed March 24, 2014 http ://blogs.skype. com/2012/09/11/skype-honors-servicemembers-an/