Creating a Man Filter to Screen Out Mr. Wrong

When you meet a man, do you find yourself wondering how to tell if he’s Mr. Right or Mr. Very Wrong?

Don’t you wish you had an automatic filter to screen out the losers so could just enjoy the entire dating dance with no fuss and no muss?

There are always surprises in life, but believe it or not, there really can be a  ’man-filter’— and you can use it to eliminate lots of nasty surprises.

Think about it: you probably have lots of “filters” you apply in different areas of life. If you go to a job interview and everyone you meet seems miserable, you wouldn’t take the job, would you? You probably wouldn’t eat at a restaurant if a bad smell greeted you at the door—but you also wouldn’t eat there if it was a Mexican restaurant and you really wanted Chinese.  Your man filter is something like a “sniff test”—if something smells fishy, get out of there—but it’s also a way to narrow down the field of perfectly good candidates to find what you really want.

When your friends ask you what you want in a man; what do you say?  Maybe you’ll joke that you want ‘tall, dark and handsome’, but is that really what you’re looking for?

Perhaps it’s time to sit down and set some realistic criteria for Mr. Right so that the universe (and your friends) know who to send your way.  The ability to make you laugh is probably more important than good looks—after all, if he’s handsome but has no personality, you’ll get bored quickly.

I believe a woman’s orgasm starts between her ears. So don’t dumb yourself down.  Look for a man who can communicate well, and takes the time to do it right.  If he bothers to write a real note that explains why your profile caught his eye—and then he proofreads his note before he sends it—that shows that he’s investing real effort in his online dating search. Why waste your time answering the guy who doesn’t even bother to read your carefully crafted profile before sending you a quick “hey ur hot”?

A man who will write you a proper email is a man who can and will pay attention to you.  He will go out of his way to ensure that your needs are met -and this is what you truly want.  A man who is more concerned about his own looks will only hog the mirror.

Another great thing to do to screen out Mr. Wrong is to read his profile before you look at his picture.  Don’t just click on the “hot” guys.  Read his profile and see how much thought they actually put into writing it.  You can learn a lot about a man from what he writes online.  You will be able to tell if he’s serious about finding someone or if he’s simply on the prowl. I know many men don’t know what to say online and feel self-conscious but it’s a first step to connecting with you and you shouldn’t have to do all the work.

Reading his profile can also alert you to “red flags.” Does he complain about his ex in his profile?  He hasn’t moved on.  Does he complain about how every woman he meets is a fake and a liar?  Maybe the problem is him.  Does he have very specific requirements about your body, and ends the list with “no fatties”?  He’s probably not interested in your intelligence. Does he sound angry, like he has a chip on his shoulder? He probably does, and that’s not what you need (ever).  Remember, a profile is supposed to highlight your best self.  If red flags are popping up even at this point, steer clear.

Knowing your own personal landmines is also important in the screening process.  If you have no interest whatsoever in being a stepmom and you hear from a great man with children, don’t pursue him. but let him graciously know your decision if you have already started connecting.   If you’re a bleeding-heart liberal and he’s looking for a “Sarah Palin type,” why waste your time?  Remember, you’re not just looking for Mr. Right—you’re looking for Mr. Right For You. Be aware of what you can put up with and what you absolutely will not deal with.  Make a list and write it down.  That way, when you meet a man and start getting to know him, you can spot any red flags and get out quickly before anyone gets hurt.

Goddesses don’t need to waste time on the wrong men.  By honoring your wants and needs and staying away from men who are a bad fit for you, you will create a space in your life—one that’s a perfect fit for Mr. Right For You.