Dating Dos and Don’ts: What The Bartenders Have To Say

Bartenders see it all.  They see the pick up lines, they see the shut downs; and they see the people that go home with each other.  They listen to the conversations and they are aware of everything that happens in their bar.  Therefore, they can be considered experts on relationships, flirting and courting.  A bartenders advice is one that I would highly recommend listening to; and the article I found this morning had some great advice to follow.

If you’re going to use a pickup line, use a really good one.
“The most surprising line I’ve ever seen work was when I worked behind the bar in Burlington, Vt.,” Casey said. “This guy walked up to this girl and he said, ‘How much does a polar bear weigh?’ She said she didn’t know. He said: ‘Enough to break the ice.’ “

The couple left the bar together.

If you’re meeting a blind date, let someone know in advance. You never know when you might need assistance.

Kressin splits her time between being a bartender at one place and being a waitress at another.

The stories she could tell. Like the one about a couple who met for a blind date at Cempazuchi on Brady St., where she is a waitress. The man came in first and ordered two beers, which “he slammed.” The woman came in moments later and the couple took a table.

Kressin said there was some awkwardness when the woman ordered a drink but the man declined. When the man went to the bathroom, his date confided to Kressin that she was on a blind date. She told her she wasn’t sure how it was going but that, if she didn’t order another drink when dinner was done, it was a sign that Kressin should bring the check.

She ordered a drink. The man ordered a beer. The couple stayed and chatted for the next hour.

Watch the drink placement to gauge how the date is progressing.
In most cases, the drinks start far apart, since most people drop the glass or bottle directly in front of them. If the drinks get closer and closer, it’s a sign that the conversation is getting intense enough that the couple is leaning into each other, said Frank Harroun at The Noble.

Do some groundwork ahead of time.
Bryant’s owner Dye has been in the bartending business for 17 years. He recommends checking out the bar of choice in advance.

“I really like this, and it doesn’t happen often, but it’s when a guy scopes the place out. They come in a few days before, talk to the bartenders and ask about the best drinks,” Dye said.

“They sort of get to know the place before they walk in blindly. They’re really taking the time to make a nice experience.”

If it’s a first date, a blind date or an early-in-the-relationship date, have something to do.
Kristin Godfrey sees a lot of dating from behind the bar at Vintage, 2203 N. Prospect Ave., but “the most successful ones are where they have something to do.” She recommends playing pool, competing at trivia or just going for broke with “painfully bad” karaoke. Do anything but just sit there and feel awkward. That can lead to nervous drinking and loud talking.

“Go have fun doing whatever you need to do,” Godfrey said. “That’s a better introduction to someone on a date.”

Don’t try to pick up the bartender, especially if you’re on a date.

“If the guy talks too much to me, I feel uncomfortable,” Kressin said. “Interact with your date. Don’t interact with the bartender too much.”

Pay attention to the person with you. Make eye contact. It should go without saying, but bartenders agree it needs to be said: Don’t look at the phone like you’re on a date with it.
“The phones go in pockets when the conversation’s good,” Dye said.

Be open to conversation when it comes your way.
“That’s why you go out in public,” Godfrey said. “You want a connection to others.”

Buying drinks for “the lady at the bar” won’t get you more than a polite nod. However, buying drinks for “the gentleman at the bar” might be novel enough to work.

The Hamilton’s Casey said he sees men buying drinks for women on a weekly basis. It’s a nice gesture, he said, but “most girls just take the drink and that’s it.” Conversely, he’s only delivered drinks from women to men “maybe a dozen times.”

Then again, buying drinks for “the lady” couldn’t hurt. Just don’t expect it to work.

“Men still send women drinks,” said Scott Sloan, manager at Kenadee’s Ultra Lounge, 725 N. Milwaukee St., “Probably 10% to 15% of the women you see out, that’s a cottage industry. They don’t have to come out with anything but cab fare home.”

Offer to pay for a drink, but don’t be offended if your date offers to split the cost.
“Offering to pay for every drink is the right idea,” said Ben Buss, a bartender at Belmont Tavern, 784 N. Jefferson St. Men will offer, but he’s seen women just as willing to slap down a debit card for a cocktail.

Don’t judge your date’s drink order.
“When guys insult girls’ drink choices as too girlie, I don’t know what they’re thinking,” Godfrey said. “I’ve seen girls shut down after that.”

Buss has seen men try to impress their dates by “pushing for more expensive drinks.” If she orders vodka, he offers to upgrade. It’s not necessary.

Tip the bartender appropriately.
“It reflects badly on people,” Godfrey said. “If a girl feels like she’s got to tip the bartender because you’re not tipping enough, you’re leaving a bad impression.”

Pay attention. The conversation is another way to tell how the date is going.

“The ones (dates) that go poorly are the ones where the guys struggle to make conversation. It seems to me that women particularly judge men on that,” Buss said.

Breaking up is hard. Bartenders are sometimes collateral damage.

“When you work in a bar for a long time, you’ll see a couple who starts dating and they go through a process of dating, then they’ll separate,” Dye said. “They’ll break up, and one of the people gets the place.”

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Are you in a profession where you see a lot of couples and understand what they are going through?  Share your experiences with us by commenting below.