Dating Dos and Don’ts: Don’t Try To Solve His Problems

It’s human nature to try to help other people and solve their problems for them.  We all do it.  The thing is that most people don’t appreciate unsolicited advice and get upset when we get in their business.

When you’re in a relationship it’s important to be aware of the boundaries around this.  Unless your partner asks you for advice on something it’s probably best to not get involved.  By being a supportive bystander you will help him out more than you would if you told him how to handle a problem.  Let him know you’re there for him; and if he asks for help, that’s when you can jump in.

But I Was Just Trying to Help

• Despite the fact that every couple self-help book recommends that unless asked, don’t give advice – most of us err in favor of “just trying to help.”
• Actually on close reflection, it is often our own sense of anxiety and helplessness in face of a partner’s distress that throws us into advice mode.  We have to do something!
• Listening with eye-to-eye contact and hand-to-hand reach is far more powerful than unsolicited advice.  A partner who feels your support is more empowered to solve his/her problem and will more likely ask for help if needed.

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Have you ever offered unsolicited advice only to have it come back and bite you?  Share your thoughts with us by commenting below.