Getting What You Ask For

“He’s my soulmate,” you think, “so of course he understands me.  He’ll just know what I want.”

Does this sound familiar?  Let me ask you a tough question — did you actually get what you really wanted that time?  It’s easy to think you’re putting out all the right hints and he should read you like an open book, but you might be setting yourself up for disappointment.

Why put yourself in that position?  You’ll only end up feeling rejected and misunderstood, or even having a fight.

Instead, ask for what you want.  Explicitly.  Say it right out loud.  Don’t hint, don’t drop clues, don’t expect him to read your mind.  Just tell him.

This sounds simple, but it can be really hard to do sometimes.  As women we’re taught from an early age to put other people’s needs in front of our own.  We try not to ask for too much or to be too demanding.  We think that if we have demands and wants and we put them right out there in the open, it’ll be too much for our men.

So what do we do instead?  We drop hints that they don’t pick up.  We nudge and glance.  We may even pout or fume. We do everything but actually tell him what we want—and then we get mad at him when he doesn’t give it to us.

Men hate that.  They want things in black and white—and, even more than that, they actually want to make you happy.  They’d much rather give you whatever it is you need than fight with you about why they don’t understand what you need.  So why not make it easy for them?

Energy consultant Hugh, 62, describes it like this: “When I’m hungry, I’ll say, ‘I’m hungry.’ When a woman is hungry, she’ll say, ‘Is anyone hungry?’ Even if what she really means is ‘I’m hungry.’ What if no one else is hungry? Is she just going to sit there and let her stomach grumble? Just say it!”

Most of the time, we get what we ask for—no more, no less.  This doesn’t mean you have to be mean and demanding.  “I demand that you give me more attention!” isn’t going to go over well.  Instead, try: “It’s been a busy week, and I feel like I’ve barely seen you.  May we schedule some ‘us’ time?”

Working with a Matchmaker or Your Dating Coach

This is true for men, and it’s just as true for matchmakers.  When you work with a matchmaker, you’re already asking for something—help in finding a romantic partner.  But “I want a romantic partner” is really vague, so be specific!  Spend time thinking about the qualities, characteristics and values you want in your man; write them down and ask for those specifically. Think hard. Don’t spend time on the banker when you really want the artist—or vice versa. Your matchmaker is a professional who can help you find what you really want.

Of course, sometimes it’s hard to know what you want. If you’ve spent a lot of time dating the wrong men—or if you haven’t spent much time dating at all—you might not be totally sure what turns you on.  Your dating coach can help you ask the right questions to figure it out. She can also help you find a balance between your dreams and “just dreaming.” You may not find a billionaire who lives on the moon and has two Nobel prizes, but if affluence and a scientific mind are important to you, you’ve learned what to ask for.

Either way, if your dream man is a guy who lives to ski, or works with his hands, or cooks gourmet meals, or speaks Hindi, say so!  How else will you get what you want?  Remember, you’re a goddess – and Goddesses go for it!