The 5 Things Men Look For

What Makes Men Tick?

Haven’t you always wondered what he’s looking for when he looks at you?  Do you ever see women—maybe even women who don’t seem that exciting or good-looking at first glance—with incredible men falling all over them? What excites him, entrances him, and makes him feel safe enough to fall head over heels for you?

Of course, men are all different.  But there are definitely some universal factors that just have to be there—and if they’re not, he’ll focus his attention elsewhere. If you’re going to have fun playing the dating game, you need to understand how men’s minds work.  Once you’ve got these five factors under control, you’ll be in charge!

1) Chemistry

This is the one factor you really can’t control.  He’s either attracted to you or he’s not.  And this isn’t just about looks—sometimes two people just click.  Attraction is not a choice.

If that chemistry is there, then move right on down the list to the next four factors.  If the chemistry’s not there, though—and this is the hard part—there’s nothing you can do about it.  You can bend over backwards and do everything for him, do things no other woman would do, and he still won’t be interested.  If it’s not there—move on. Don’t try to force it.  You deserve someone who wants you!

2) Playfulness

You want to have fun playing the dating game?  So does he!  Relax and have fun.  Be playful.  If this comes naturally to you, great.  If you tend to get nervous on dates, though, you’ll need to work on it.  Take deep breaths or do some yoga before your date.  Bolster your confidence, then walk in like you own the place, smile, and remember that you’re here to have a good time!  If you project fun and lightness, he’ll pick up on that and have a great time with you—and that’s the easiest way to make sure he wants more.  Remind yourself  to keep being playful throughout the dating process not just in the early days.   Dating really is the fun part!

3) Emotional Stability

No one wants to get involved with a crazy person.  It’s important to get yourself to a place of good emotional stability before ever getting involved in a relationship.  You need to understand yourself and love yourself so that you can make decisions based on logic rather than emotion.

Remember that your date is not your therapist.  Don’t cry, yell, or tell him about your traumatic childhood—none of that is appropriate with someone you’ve just met.  He’s going to see your baggage and head for the exits—so make sure you take care of yourself and keep things light at first.  Save it for your real therapist, and if you’re dealing with some difficult issues, make sure that you’re ready to get involved in a relationship before you start dating.

4)  Positive Attitude

This one goes along with the last two. Men enjoy women who are positive and upbeat. If you’re constantly negative, complaining, and worrying, he won’t enjoy being around you.  (Who would?) Practice making the best of things. What if you go on a movie date and the movie is terrible?  Whining about it, walking out, and demanding your money back is a sure way to end the date quickly. Men really try to make us happy for the most part.  Why not let him remember you as the devastatingly witty woman who sat in the back row with him quietly trading killer comments about Edward Pattinson’s acting skills?

The same goes for your attitude about him. You may think he’s playing games when he doesn’t call you back for a day and a half, but it’s not a wise move to leave him twenty voicemails during that period.  If he’s interested in you, he’ll call—and if you have a positive healthy attitude, you’ll be out there living your own life instead of obsessing about him.

Women love to scrutinize every little detail of our interactions with men, looking for hidden meaning—we learn to do it when we’re passing notes in junior high, and we never really stop.  But the truth is, not everything a man does has meaning.  He didn’t call you back for a day?  Maybe he’s just genuinely having a busy day.  Reading into every little thing will drive you crazy – and him!  Have a positive attitude, pay attention to your radar but assume the best of him—he’ll love you for it and give you his best in return.

5)  Explicit Communication

I’m going to be clear and direct about this: be clear and direct with him.  He does NOT understand your subtle little hints. In fact, he isn’t even aware that you’re giving him hints.  Men don’t look at relationships like they’re mysteries to be solved.  Your man assumes that if you want him to know something, you’ll tell him.  (Because that is how he wants to communicate.) And if you think about it—that’s really not an unreasonable thing to ask for.

Make sure that if you want something from him, you are telling him explicitly.  Don’t get angry with him for not understanding your hints—that will only frustrate him. Just tell him what you want—believe me, he’ll be relieved that you told him in a light and unemotional manner (dare I say playfully??) and happy to know what’s on your mind.  Remember, he’s not a game—he’s a person. Help him make you happy!

 You’ve probably noticed that a lot of these factors have to do with your attitude, with keeping things positive, with making dating fun.  That’s because you deserve to have fun dating – so does he!  And it’s important to remember that you are more than just your dating life—so if you’re at a point in your life where you’re taking things too seriously, where you just can’t be positive or you feel like you aren’t having fun anymore, don’t force yourself to keep going like it’s a job.  It’s okay to take a break.  Take care of yourself—your health, your emotions, your life—and come back to it when you’re ready to relax and enjoy dating.

Mastering these five factors will make you a prize, a woman any man would be happy to date.  By knowing yourself, understanding what you can and can’t control, and coming to dating with a positive attitude, you really can put the fun back in dating!