Are You A One-Hit-Wonder?

You’ve been wined, you’ve been dined…you’ve both chatted up a storm and flirted all through dinner.
He’s says he’s had a great time and wants to see you again.
You kiss; he says he’ll call; but then …nothing!
Confusion and self doubt follow and the dating world spins off kilter while you go over everything mentally in your mind.

It’s painful and confusing when it looks like the date has going phenomenally and well, then …NOTHING! No explanation, no reason you can think of no matter how much you wrack your memory.

But getting that first date is only a fraction of the challenge. Leading him to ask you for a second one, a third one, and so on is the higher level of dating skill you must possess to successfully dance in the dating game.

So how do you keep him interested after the first date?

I would say that my first answer is simple. Keep him guessing..

Mystery is the fuel for a successful courting period. Nobody would buy something if it’s already being given for free. Metaphorically speaking: show him a great movie trailer that’s going to entice him to mark his calendar and want to see the whole movie with utter excitement and attention.

Your level of mystery lies in what you do during your first date:

On your first date, KEEP THE EX-FILES HIDDEN.
Sure, it’s understandable that you still have a few hang-ups from your last relationship but a first date is no place for those types of sob stories. Nothing drives a man away like a woman going  on and on about their past boyfriend(s). It screams “I AM EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILBLE!” to a man so don’t get your hopes up for a second date. He wants the date to be fun and about you and him.

Here’s another scenario:

You’re nervous because it’s your first date so you think, “I shouldn’t look too desperate”. You put on something casual and decide not to bother washing your hair or make an effort to look your best. Men are visual – always – and especially when they are seeing a woman for the first time.

There’s nothing wrong with keeping things simple.. You don’t have to buy a new dress or go to the salon to get your hair done but,  put in the effort to look your best and as beautiful as possible. If it’s just a casual date at the park or in a coffee shop, you still want to look your best for the situation.  Even if you have pulled a 12 hour shift at work – take the time to freshen up and more importantly show up emotionally. Often it is not our physical appearance that doesn’t make the grade but our attention and energy doesn’t spark things off to a great start.

Nothing turns on a man like a woman who knows what she wants and has some sass and confidence in herself. But sad to say on your first date, I am going to suggest you tone down the “boss-lady” talk. You’re probably not going to impress him with a long dissertation on your work skills or your plans to overhaul the country’s health care system. You’re both there to enjoy yourselves. Seduce his interests -not raise a heated political debate where both feel like they have been through the wringer. If you want to show him that you are your own woman, opt for better options like talking about the stuff you’re passionate about like traveling, sports or cooking. No  weird stuff (and please, no major sexual innuendos unless you want to set it up as casual ‘no strings attached’ relationship!)

Another tip to avoid missing the “second date bus” is: make the night about him too.

Reciprocation is as important to guys as it is for us. Making him feel interesting makes him feel even more interested in you. Both sexes have egos – and trust me, egos come out to play big time in the initial date (Everyone can be nervous). Compliment him on his looks or his work. Ask about his interests and his sporting conquests.  Engage him and help steer the conversation to what keeps it interesting.

Since men are often bad at interpreting body language, listening to him and engaging him tells him that you’re interested in him. This encourages him and assures him he won’t get rejected if he asks for a second date.

The last skill to perfect to get a second date is your exit strategy.

You’ve got options. Now, a handshake can be the most preferred way to say goodbye after a first date if you are not overwhelmed with the desire to see him again (as it is quite formal). If you want to take it slowly but do want to see him again soon, the trick to pulling this off  is to establish a bit of flirtatious eye contact as you offer a soft, feminine handshake (maybe with both hands cupping his). Flash your sweetest smile and tell him how much fun you had.

A friendly hug is even more personal. You are getting more into his personal space which is more intimate.

This could lead to a kiss. If the moment calls for it and you are feeling some magic, then by all means, kiss him.  I could write a whole topic on the first kiss and promise I will!

Either way, when you have a sense of your exit strategy you have more control over how you’ll end the night—be it a warm handshake or a breath-taking first kiss. Then the fun can continue into date #2…